Happy Tuesday!

Looks like I’ve been posting once a week instead of once a day lately. I’ve been busy wedding planning. (cue lots of YAYS!) I told you I’d answer questions, share comments and take requests on Tuesdays so dress shopping is on hold today. Although we do have the band and the food lined up.

Your Comments, Questions & Requests:

Hello from you line buddies at Slamdance–Ed and Nancy Zawada and family.

‘It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.’ Made me cry. I love it.

I like the playfulness the best, its fun, interactive.

Thanks for the sanely private yet happy wedding blog- best wishes!

I need healing help!

Aren’t you sick of talking about abuse?  I feel like I’ve moved past it and want to hear more fun things now. Can’t wait for Tilda!

My Answers and Comments:

Hello to my line buddies!  For the rest of you, what in the world does that mean? Well, when you’re at a film festival the best place to meet interesting people is in line or talking to the people sitting next to you in the film (while the film is NOT playing).

I was just at Slamdance and Sundance and saw movies at both festivals and that tip remains true – I met Ed and Nancy in line and ran into them repeatedly throughout the festival.

I’ve spoken extensively about the power of staring conversations, especially with people you don’t know.  It’s amazing what you learn.  In the 30 Day Healing Journey I created (yes, for you), many of the activities center around starting conversations.

By the way I just started talking with one of the men working on our house after he asked about my doc. And guess what?  His ex was a victim of CSA (child sexual abuse) and it ended up ruining their marriage when she would not even consider healing.  Powerful stuff – conversations.

Of course conversations don’t always have to bring up trauma (unless you start talking about my doc!).  At the festival, I also sat next to a lovely lady who happened to be the mother of a woman who has a PHD in children’s literature.  I told her about Tilda Pinkerton and we ended up having a fantastic conversation that was very helpful for the teacher’s guide that 2 elementary school teachers are helping me with for Tilda Pinkerton’s Magical Hats.  Awesome!

Playfulness!

Speaking of starting conversations, thank you so much for starting ones with me!  I love it when you comment on that little pop up questionnaire on my site.  I know, for those who visit my site often it may annoy you and you click it away but it is very helpful to me to hear from you.  Plus, sometimes it just makes my day when you share your comments like the ones above.

I too love “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood” and I believe it and live it too!

I’m exstactic that you enjoy the playfulness on my site.  Thank you!  Your comment came right after a rather nasty one about how I’m too playful and goof off too much. Ha!  Oh well. Even though I have realized that when people say hateful things, it is usually all about themselves, it sure it nice to hear the exact opposite.

Thank you for your wedding wishes too!  I shared what I could share and still remain private in that post, and I’ll share more later.

Healing Help

First of all the healing questions could not fit on just one line.  I condensed it for you.  One of them was about two pages long, followed by another one that was of equal length and another that was in panic mode.  I read them and I feel your pain, and because your stories are so triggering, I will not repost them on here, but I will answer as best I can.

I’d really love you to read How Do You Find Closure.  There are other articles, healing techniques and resources on my Healing Page.

Many times when we live through a traumatic experience, until we find our healing path, we will repeat whatever cycle of abuse we started in.  You may marry an abuser like one of your parents was.  You may find yourself with a long list of attacks or abusive situations in your life.  It is like a hamster wheel and until you see that you’re on it, it’s hard to get off of it.   Please go through the Be Your Own Hero Workbook with a therapist, support group or someone you trust. I wrote it for you going through these very things.  It works.  Work it.

That 118 page workbook continues to sell more than my documentary.  Why? Because it works!

I tried to set up an affilate program for those who share it too, so not only do you share the healing, you share the profits.  But the html code was too complicated and created way too many issues for too many of you.  I know – it’s annoying!  But while I was in Park City at the festivals, I met the creators of Monkeybars!

It does exactly what I wanted to do – allows you to share whatever books, movies or art I put up there and allows me to chose what kind of % I give to you to make from the profit.  Genius!

What in the world does profit have to do with healing?  Well, after years of studying trauma I saw that the three most common affects of abuse were:  Mental Issues Health Problems & Financial Crisis 

So the Workbook helps with the mental issues, allows you to see and work on the health problems and by sharing the profits, it can also help with the finances.  50% of 9.99 won’t pay the rent, but it may feed you – you never know!  The most important thing is that those who haven’t done the work, find the book and those who have, share it!  You just sign up (for free) for a Monkeybars account and when you share the various things you like and someone buys it, you get a piece of the sale.  Nice!  There are many besides me and if you’re an artist, writer or musician - try it yourself!

That’s my Monkeybars plug!

Share the workbook on MonkeyBars –> 

Moving On

Yay for you moving on!  It’s fun, isn’t it?

I’ll admit there are times when I’m like oh my God do we have to talk about CSA?  Isn’t it about time we stopped talking about it for one second?  Then I go on the porch with one of the guys working on our house to talk about his grandmother and then his ex-wife and hear yet another story about a whole family in great pain.

So no, the conversations will probably never end.  But I’ve learned to relate differently to those just beginning their healing journey.  I no longer take it in and get sick. Yes, I did that.  I don’t have people escaping an abuser move into my home anymore. Yes, did that too, oops. I don’t take on the pain for people anymore. I direct people to healing paths for them to chose what works for them and I live an awesome joyful life as an example of what is possible after trudging through just plain yuk.

If you’re like I was and want to save the world by taking on people’s pain and trying to first hand fixed all their issues –  Listen up!  - You’re of better service by listening and then living an awesome life yourself.  Leading by example is far more powerful than falling back into the well of hell to try to help someone out of their pattern. It’s like trying to help someone who is drowning; if you’re not careful, they can pull you under too!  It’s better to shine your light as bright as you can so they can see it.

There will always be people just beginning their journey.  There will also sadly be the trolls and zombies who hate you for moving on because they refuse to get on the healing path.  There will be people who haven’t turned the corner in their healing yet and can’t see a way out and are mad at you for finding it.  And there will always be those who see you and are inspired to break old patterns in their lives and move on too.  You may never hear from them or you may get anonymous little thank yous, but I assure you that you are affecting the world in a positive way.  I see it all the time and I see it a lot more often then the grumbling trolls too!

And guess what?  As you move on, you will begin to start conversations with people who have also moved on.  That’s when you begin to find out new avenues, not out of pain (we’ve done that) but new ways to live an even happier joyful life.   That is part of the journey too. If you don’t believe me, begin yours.

It’s never too late to have a happy childhood!

(and I can’t wait for Tilda either!  She’s coming soon.  It’s a long journey from the Sombrero Galaxy!)

Thanks for reading! Please comment on my blog and let me know how I can help you, inspire you or just make you laugh. I'm listening. Feel free to email me at angela@angelashelton.com and let me know what you like (or don't like). To keep in touch, connect with me @ Facebook | Twitter