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Howdy! It’s Tues and I answer your questions, share comments and grant requests on Tuesdays now so here we go!

I compiled a few that fit together so you can have your answer or request granted sooner!

Questions and Comments:

I love this site!!! I’m all about moving on and the healing process after trauma. Unfortunately for many survivors it’s hard to find or gain access to facilities and treatment. Your advice is great it not only makes the journey something somebody wants to do, but it offers advice that most survivors cannot afford elsewhere.

I find  you empowering!  Can you share the five healing steps drawings? Thanks!

I cried as soon as your site popped up.  I am a 43 year old male who just recently started to remember being molested as a child and fragments of the situation have been coming back to my awareness. I guess I had been repressing these memories for about 40 years and now that I know why I have had so much difficulty throughout my life, in so many areas, I feel a sense of hope for recovery.  Thank you for being here for me and all those who have been abused. Too emotional to write more but feel positive about getting better and moving forward.

Can you share how to get the panic attacks and anxiety to go away? You’ve inspired me to take out my sword of trauma. I’m going to file charges against the man who molested me as a child. Love your website, love you, squish!

Just finished reading your book, Finding Angela Shelton. Loved it so much, came to check out your website. Thanks for giving a voice to victims of abuse.

I have the Oprah Winfrey Network and at least once a day I catch you saying to Oprah that you want to change people’s lives like she did. It plays in a montage clip. I just wanted to let you know that through your book and documentary you have definitely changed my life. You have helped me to find the courage to confront my abusers and live a life free of abuse. I know you probably get emails all the time but I felt compelled to write you today to say that you have made a difference in my life and seeing you everyday on OWN puts a big smile on my face.

Answers:

First of all thank you for your kind words and congratulations on pressing charges!  That is incredibly empowering and also a great healing technique.

I love hearing the range of questions each week.  If I know the answer, I’ll share it.  If I don’t, I’ll try to find an answer.

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There are a series of videos about how to get out of panic and anxiety by using a simple tapping technique called TFT.   It may seem simple but I’ve seen it work for many.   There’s also a “Pretty Breathing” technique that works well too.

Once you go through the healing process successfully, you lay a path for others to do the same whether you want to or not.  We are each living examples and everything you do affects everything else. If you heal, move on and lead a joyful life, you inspire others to do that same. It just works that way.  You also break the cycle of trauma in your life – bonus!

I put the path I found that worked for many into a workbook -

Be Your Own Hero Workbook – it’s 118 pages.

If you’re going through pain, having this workbook to go through with your therapist, healer or support group is extremely valuable in helping you move to the next level of healing.

All the links to purchase it (and read it for free) are on this page including a coupon to get 40% off.

Here are the steps and the pictures per your request!  If you want more posts on healing read the Survivor Manual.

1. Acknowledge the Sword

The first step in healing is to acknowledge that your life is not as joyful as you’d like it.  It’s the moment you see how a painful event(s) is affecting your life, and not in a good way!

2. Remove the Sword

This is the hardest part.  This is when you cry (sometimes for days), scream, beat the sofa and express rage, anger and hurt.

3. Heal the Wound

There are tons of healing techniques out there.  I’ve complied many.

4. Use Your Sword

Once you’re free from the old story that is keeping you stunted – like a sword stuck through your body – you have the freedom to live a much more joyful life.  You can use your sword as your pen, your camera, your canvas or whatever else you find that helps you express yourself in a positive way, not a vengeful one.

5. Practice Sword Play

Play?  Isn’t this all  meant to be such hard work?  I don’t think so. That is why I love the sword analogy so much. Pulling a sword out does not last forever.  I also wrote about how having healthy relationships can be play instead of work too!

All of the great illustrations and worksheets are in the Be Your Own Hero Workbook.

Moving on is fun.  I’m having the time of my life writing a book series about magical hats.  And yes, the little girl who becomes mute due to a painful event gets a hat at the end and sings an aria.  Just a little sneak peek.

Please keep sending your questions in, I enjoy hearing from you.  Ask me anything.  Either fill out the little pop up at the bottom (it’s anonymous) or add a comment to my blog.

Here’s a question for you!  -

What are You Doing in Your Life Now that is FUN?

The cold hard fact is that far too many of us are going through pain. I know, I’ve spoken to enough of you about it. But if you know me, even after you’ve seen my documentary and read my book about it and heard me speak – you know that I am all about moving on. Yes, life is hard and the worst nightmare – child sexual abuse – is so prevalent it can make you ill. But I believe that the more survivors and loved ones of survivors heal and move forward, the more we will end the epidemic by not repeating it.

The majority of people who read my blog and know me from speaking gigs have told me that me speaking about moving on (and doing it with cursing and laughter) is way they love me. Ah, I love you too! Those who hate what I talk about will always be haters and should read this list too. A DM from a Twitter friend promoted this list by asking me, surprised, if I really had moved on from my story and how in the world I did it. Here you go!

101 Ways to Move From Victim to Survivor to Thriver

1. Tell Your Story Out Load.  Seriously.  Tell it, purge it, cry for days if you need to but get it out.
2. If You’re In Crisis – Get Help.
3. Write a Rant Letter to your abuser.  Don’t send it.  Just write it.  Most abusers don’t care about your healing anyway.  Your healing is for you, not them. Tell them to go F themselves in a long ranting letter.
4. Find a Therapist You Trust.   Forget thinking you will hurt someone’s feelings.  If you meet with a therapist who you can’t stand or give you the creeps – ask for a new one from your insurance provider (if you have insurance).
5. If you don’t have insurance, Find a Therapist through your local college.  There are psychology departments with students who have to have a certain amount of therapy hours – use them up!  Talk their ears off.
6. Try TFT Tapping to get out of Panic Attacks! 
7. Find Therapy Online.
8. Realize that Your Story is NOT Your Identity.  Thinking that your story is what defines you can be addictive.  Don’t be an addict.
9. Try Accupuncture.
10. Discover a Meditation or Prayer Practice that works for you.  Knowing you
11. Go through the steps of the Be Your Own Hero Workbook.  Really fill out each page.  Go through it with your therapist.
12. Purge Rage Physically.  Do something that involves yelling and moving your body like martial arts, killer bike rides, or dance.
13. Try another Tapping Technique to Stop Anxiety.
14. Try Harp Therapy.
15. Write Yourself a Letter of Forgiveness.  That’s right.  Forgive yourself for the hell you put yourself through because of what someone else did to you.  You deserve a letter.  Mail it to yourself too.  It’s fun to get nice mail like that.
16. Take Your Sex Life Back.  Just because you went through a trauma does not mean that the abuser or abusers need to take away a good sex life for the rest of your life.  F Them!
17. Do something you always wanted to do when you were a kid and couldn’t.  For example, did that jerk take away your PlayDo station and smash it?  Go get yourself a PlayDo station and play!
18. Take the 30 Day Healing Journey.  Get an email every day for 30 Days to help you down the path of healing.
19. Scream.  Seriously.  Set up a scream closet.  Go inside, push all of your clothes together, stick your face in there and scream.  I came out laughing every time I did that.
20. If you still have Anxiety or Panic Attacks, Make them Stop! 
21. Try NMT - My personal favorite.
22. Dance!  Stop abuse yourself and dance.  Here’s a great story about that very thing!
23. Get away from the abuser.  Seems like a simple one but many people still hang out, visit and try to constantly reconnect with their abuser.  Cut him or her loose.
24. Recognize that your experience is like being pierced with a sword - and you can remove it!
25. Start a Blog.
26. Try a TFT Tapping Technique to visualize yourself free of pain.
27. Do Something Fun, something that makes you LAUGH!
28. Try EMDR Therapy.
29. Leave the Old Story Behind.  Feel the fear of moving forward into the unknown and Do It Anyway!
30. Get Grounded.  Find out what therapists mean when they say grounded.
31. Feed Your Brain.  Learn New Things.
32. Read The Courage to Heal.
33. Take a Parenting Class or Read a Parenting Book and Apply it all To Yourself!
34. Find Closure.
35. Break Your Pattern of Attracting the Same kind of Jerk as a Mate!!  (That’s what Will Date 4 Food is about)
36. Have a Confrontation if you need it.
37. Talk about your Present and your Future!
38. Do Theater.  Get on stage and act.  Purge pain through art it like Warrior Theater. 
39. Spend Time in Nature – the Great Healer.
40. Channel any rage, anger, fear, doubt or worry into a healthy energetic release like air guitar or drums.
41. Ignore those who get mad at you for moving on.
42. Make a Movie.
43. Stop Saying Negative Things to Yourself in Your Head.  Quit.
44. Replace all Negative Speak with Loving, Gushy Sweetness to Yourself (It’s in your head, no one can hear it)
45. Take Hold of Your Triggers!
46. Smell Something Wonderful – smells can evoke emotions and bring you to a calming place.
47. Spend Time with Animals.  Volunteer to walk to the dogs at the shelter.  They love that.
48. Rewrite Your Story.  Put in a Happy Ending.
49. Try Giggle Therapy.
50. Make a Vision Board.
51. Sleep Well.  Keep a Dream Journal.
52. Stop Slouching and Stooping.  Stand up straight and tall – you are a wonderful person – stand up!
53. Listen to Great Happy Music Often and Sing Along!!
54. Say Affirmations. They Work.
55. Stop Abuse Yourself.  Stop. That means all forms of self abuse and self mutilation.
56. Don’t abuse others just because you were abused.
57. Find Joy! 
58. Create Healthy Relationships after traumatic ones.
59. Connect with Others Who Are Moving On!
60. Retrain Your Brain to Stop Negative Speak.
61. Nurture Yourself.  You’re a Sweet Baby!
62. Take Up Activities that have nothing to do with trauma!
63. Get Off the Forums and Engage in Life OffLine!
64. Read Women, Sex and Addiction (even if you’re a guy)
65. Take Responsibility for Your Own Life.
66. Find a Good Coach.  This is beyond your therapist.  Find someone who is doing what you want to do and ask them to mentor you.
67. Be the Center of Your Community. 
68. Have a healthy safe place to grieve and let it out.
69. Try Art Therapy.
70. Stop Living in a Fantasy World.
71. Find and Utilize Group Therapy sessions, but don’t stay in it for a lifetime.  Get help and move on.
72. Do Something to Make Yourself Proud, something good for you that you’ve always wanted to do. Skydive perhaps?
73. Practice Sword Play and Clear Out Your Energy!
74. Go Through a 12 Step Program.
75. Get to know Your Inner Warrior.
76. Make an Official Commitment with Yourself to Move On
77. Pay Attention to Those Who Have Gone Before You and Try What They Did.
78. Write and Publish a Book.
79. Remove Toxic People From Your Life!
80. Start Gardening.
81. Try Cranio-Sacral Therapy
82. Find Friends Who Lift You Up!
83. Develop Your Creative Gifts.
84. Get Your Story into the Media.
85. Stop Talking About the Past all the time (once you’ve purged your story that is).
86. Learn Pretty Breathing! 
87. Go Back to School for Something You Always Wanted to Learn!
88. Put together a good Tool Kit.
89. Take a Safety Course and get Certified.
90. Move Beyond the 12 Steps
91. Perform a Ritual to Reclaim Your Past (not a creepy ritual, reclaim those too).  Make up your own!
92. Pay Attention to Who You’re Hanging Out With?  Are they in trauma?  Do they lift you up or pull you down?
93. Cleanse Your Address Book!
94. Make a Positive Difference in the Lives of Other Survivors.
95. Have Some Fun.
96. Take Charge of Your OCDs and quit it.
97. Focus on Living a Healthy Life in all aspects from your spiritual health to your physical being.
98. Know that if Others Can Do It - So Can You!
99. Get over Feeling Guilty for Moving On!
100. Work at Peak Performance.  Try a Tapping Technique to Visualize.
101. Smile.  Try it.  Just smile.  You’re pretty and you’re special and you’re worth it.

This post is for adults only. Soon, I will have a kids only site too! Patience young warrior, patience!  But I’ve been answering your questions on Tuesdays and it’s Tues so here goes.

So, you’ve been through a horrible experience sexually?  Whether it was rape, incest, assault, abuse, humiliation or extremely bad parenting many people end up having bad sex lives in their adulthood due to past experiences.  That blows.

Questions:

• Can sex be enjoyable after you’ve been raped?
• How do I talk to my boyfriend about my issues with sex and being triggered ?
• Can I ever stop having dark violent fantasies?
• How can I stop running away from my boyfriend because I really like him?  I wish it was Tues already, I need this answered like now.

Answer:

Read

Charlotte Kasl’s book Women, Sex, and Addiction: A Search for Love and Power is one of the best books I’ve ever read.  The only thing I do not like about it is the title.  I have since become friends with Charlotte and she says the same thing.  It should be called People, Sex and Addiction instead.   It is not a book you want to read without a book cover on the subway or the bus.  Cover it up!

Here’s a Great Healthy Sex Technique:

Have Fun

The best way to heal is to have fun doing it.  If you don’t have a partner you can giggle with, consider finding a new love!  If you are able to laugh during lovemaking, it not only helps ease any old pains that pop up, it makes everything more fun!  Plus, sex can be funny.  You do sometimes fart, you know.  Even Dr. Oz says that.

It Doesn’t Matter When You “Do It”

Sexy Seniors

My mom is 65 years old and having the best sex of her life.  Yes, I said that.  And I didn’t give it away, believe me she tells me via her emails about her super healthy and mind blowing orgasms.  WHAT??   Yes, my mother tells me everything after she says something like “is this too much?”   Just wait until I start reading Emails From My Mother, Too Funny Not To Forward!   I’ve had permission to share them, so don’t worry.  I can’t wait and will probably do it next month.  They make me pee on myself they are so funny.

The point is that you should not give yourself an age limit to heal, try something new or to move on from your past – ever!  I don’t care what you’ve been through (well, I do care but you know what I mean).  It’s time for healing and nothing irritates me more than someone having a horrible sex life, or none at all, because of some jerk or jerks.  Screw them!  Well, actually don’t screw them if they screwed you up!  Forget them, heal from the pain, move on and reclaim your life and your bed!  You deserve it.  Don’t let them take your bed away too. Jerks.  It is perfectly okay, natural, fulfilling and spiritually liberating to have a great sex life.

I missed a question!  Oops, I posted it on How To Talk to Your Boyfriend! 

If you like what I’m saying click below and share it on Stumble or FB or Tweet it and sign up to get my blog posts to your email. It’s fun.

The question is:

Is it saving in the garden or saving the garden?

There certainly are a lot of life changes happening out in the world right now. I personally think chaos can bring clarity, although I do not buy into fear mongering.  I don’t think it’s time to go dig a hole and put your head in it. I think it’s time for us all to become more connected. (Yay Twitter!)  It’s time to be connected to the Earth, to your souls, to your creativity and to your colon (like I wrote in the last post).

On the fear and panic side, I was urged to watch this movie Collapse, which I did on Netflix.  Here’s the trailer:

Ages ago I would have been really freaked out and scared by that movie and wondering where in the world I was going to move to, and quickly.  But I have since witnessed people who are so convincing to others because of their emotional connection to what they think they know based on their own fears, that they freak people out when they actually don’t have the facts.  I’m not saying there isn’t valuable information in the film, and out in the world for that matter, my point is being clear about facts instead of fear.  There are so many who preach to you until they’re blue in the face, convinced they know all the answers and have “the truth.”  You have to follow your own heart and gather facts for yourself.  I bring that up because I’ve been witnessed it first hand, so I urge to you to take what works for you and leave the rest.  You know what’s best for you if you really listen to your heart and soul.  (maybe I should write about how to get better at that)

That said, the best message I got from the film above is to grow your own food.  For me, that was the best and most important part of the film and is really the only reason I’m bringing the film up!  I think we should learn how to garden for fun, not out of fear.  That is why I’ll be sharing my own process on here!

Grow Your Own Food

My mother and grandmother have the green thumbs. I on the other hand, can write about it.  I’ve rarely stayed in one place long enough to have a garden in my life.  But this year I will and I’ll blog about my trials and errors in an effort to help those of you who are like me, green thumb challenged.

First of all, I’ve written about getting over your fear of starting a garden even if you’re in the city in my Downsizing post.  There are some amazing garden packages on GroOrganic.   I know, some of you will suck in a breath of shock at some of the prices of staring a garden but believe me, it’s cheaper than buying your food in the long run.  Start paying attention to food prices when you visit your market.  They are going up up and away from many budgets, especially fresh produce.  The sad thing is that though fresh veggies and fruits are by far the best choice, yet sometimes the processed ones are simply cheaper.  For many families, the purse is the boss and many forfeit their health for the cheaper food.  But I’m telling you, it can make you sicker in the long run. Spending money on your food and food growth can be categorized under health, wellness and preventative medicine too.  It’s worth it, spend money on your food and wear your clothes another season or ride your bike more to save on gas.  Your food is important.

Savings Tip:

Even though I haven’t broken ground yet on my garden since it’s covered with snow at the moment, I’m paying attention and finding information on ways to save (and to share).

Say AHH: One fun way that all of my RN friends will love is buying a value pack of Tongue Depressors.  Yep, I said that. They are so cheap and you get tons of them. You can use them as markers for your various plant groups by writing on them with permanent market.

That way you don’t do what I have been guilty of and go buy all kinds of expensive fancy things just to make it look pretty.  It will already be pretty, it’s a garden.  Have your children color the wood to make it stand out among the plants.  There’s some good playtime that also helps the household, bonus!

Build it Yourself: If you don’t have the money to buy gardening packages from places like GroOrganic, build it yourself!  Become a little Martha Stewart and blog about how you’re kicking butts with your electric saw.  Or maybe you live where the soil is fantastic and you don’t need to have raised beds.  Start digging!  Well, when the time comes.

Plan Your Patch: Save by planning.   GroOrganic has a garden planner that I’m using that is very inexpensive compared to what you’ll save by planning out your patch.  I’m the first to admit that I’d go out and buy half the store like shopping when I’m hungry. I’d have seeds coming out of my ears, with high hopes and big plans of having the best most beautiful garden in town. Then reality would set in that I just planted enough for a small army and it’s overgrown and a mess.  If you’re like me with that old save-the-world complex, shhhh, be still for a minute.  Start small.  Feed yourself first before you take on feeding the village.  Planning out your patch before you even buy seeds or starter plants is super helpful and if I dare say - necessary.

Can’t wait to get my hands dirty!

Are you Addicted to Meat, Sugar, Chocolate and Cheese?

I just saw this shared by my friend Carl Bressler on Facebook and had to share it.  This is a 40 min video but highly informative and amusing at times too.  I share my personal thoughts on it below.

In the above video Neal Barnard MD discusses the science behind food addictions. Willpower is not to blame: chocolate, cheese, meat, and sugar release opiate-like substances. Dr. Barnard also discusses how industry, aided by government, exploits these natural cravings, pushing us to eat more and more unhealthy foods. A plant-based diet is the solution to avoid many of these problems. Neal Barnard is the founder of the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine (PCRM).

The above video is Dr. Barnard’s COMPLETE presentation from the VegSource HEALTHY LIFESTYLE EXPO 2003. To get a copy of this talk on DVD see https://secure2.vegsource.com/catalog/

What are your thoughts?

You can definitely trim down by cutting out meat and processed carbs, since that is also what collects in your colon and feeds parasites.  WHAT??  Yes, it’s true. It’s all in your poo. When you see those big bellied folks walking around America – they are actually full of —–.  Clean the colon, people, clean the colon.  Vegans have healthy colons I’ve heard.

Check out this video of me talking to Brenda Underwood about doing a colon cleanse:

I personally think the healthiest diet (for me) is farm raised and organically fed meat, fowl and fish (to avoid mercury), a clean colon, way more green foods than you think you can stand, and exercise – including a happy healthy committed sex life.   Yes, I said that.

Dairy?

My life and health is better after stepping away from most dairy products for sure. I drink Almond Milk, Coconut Milk and stay away from Soy since they way soy is processed in America creates allergens and every time I drink it I start to wheeze.  (more on that if you’re interested, post a comment) So, no more soy and no more milk.  Although I do eat cheese, but I try to use goat cheese products, which do better on my system.

Protein?

I am hooked on this Plant Fusion protein powder.  I drink the vanilla as happy as a baby. My nutritionist urges me to have four proteins at each meal including the meat, fowl or fish, nuts, cheese etc.

I’m not sure where I stand on the meat eating because so much of it is processed poorly and fed all kinds of hormones. I have O positive blood and I’m also Southern. I tried to be a vegetarian and at one point a vegan and even a macrobiotic at one point, but I got so sick.  I stopped eating meat for environmental reasons and I because I am an animal lover.  But when I eat meat and veggies I’m perfectly healthy with perfect colon activity.  TMI, but we already talked about that.  So what’s a girl to do?

Like I said, I’m Southern. I come from hunters with loads of guns and families who cut the heads off chickens in the yard to have dinner that night.  I am an animal lover too, but I will eat the edibles.  Sorry.  When I cut all meat out completely, I get sick. Maybe it has something to do with blood type, maybe not.  But I find it interesting that those I know who can exist well on vegan diets are not O positive, but A – or AB and so on. I’d like to see that study!

Say No to Processed Food

I think the meat industry is disgusting, especially after watching the documentaries on it.  I believe the health issues caused by meat come from all the processing of it.  I think organically fed meat and fowl are good for you, based on how I’ve seen my own body do.

I personally think the real issues are sugar and processed foods. The cancer happening to the meat eaters, I bet comes from those who eat fast food meats, not farm raised organically fed.  I would love to see the study showing those who got cancer who were meat eaters and show exactly where they were eating.

Food for Thought

What do you think?  What blood type are you? What do you eat? What makes you the healthiest and have the best poos?  Really – the answer is in the poo.  Is that to much information? Um, I just posted a video about parasites in your colon.

So I wrote the article below on Survivor Manual a week before I broke my leg. I thought I’d add in red, some extra bits for your reading pleasure.

4 Steps to Help You Evolve to the Next Level

photo from Be Your Own Hero Warrior Workbook

Yesterday I thought of many of you while I was standing at the top of a mountain looking across the gorgeous span of countryside. I evolved from green to blue.  (and today I’m lying in bed in a leg cast) I graduated from nervous skier to confident one who can carve turns and not clumsily fall on my face. As I skied down the fifth blue run, truly amazed and super proud of myself, I thought about what a great metaphor the moment was for moving from victim to victor.  (I felt the same way as I was rushed down the mountain on the emergency sled by ski patrol too) I love metaphors and use them a lot, so I thought I’d break down how skiing down the top of that mountain, while having great fun, was so much like living a happy whole life after serious hardship and trauma.  That includes when you fall on your face and break your leg too! I broke it down to four steps.

1. Know the Fear

It’s easier to move on and evolve to the next level when you know what you’re leaving.  What are you so scared of?  I’ve always been scared of breaking a leg. I’ve heard a vast list of fears and most of them are connected to a core trauma or belief set in place years prior, from fearing healthy men because a man abused or attacked you, to hating and fearing women because your mother was a nutcase. Some of you fear living a healthy whole life because you have never seen one. Some fear starting a business or following your artistic dream because you were told you were stupid, ugly, untalented, unworthy or whatever other lie by someone who deep down wanted the same thing. So what’s your fear? When you know what it is, you can move past it.

Skiing always freaked me out. So did surgery! I was afraid of it to no end. If you even mentioned I was going to be taken to the top of the mountain I might start crying.  I could put skies on, look cute in the outfit, and go down the bunny slope and the green runs, carefully. But I wasn’t going to the top. I said I would never do it, I would never ski a blue and certainly not a black run. I quoted my best friend who said, “Oh no, I’m fine on the green. I have to go slow enough to not spill my martini.” I made excuses, came up with all kinds of stories why I could never do it and was determined to stay on the bunny slope. Not to mention skiing is a rich man’s sport. I’ll stay in the lodge, thanks. You go. I’ll watch.  Plus, I was afraid of breaking a leg!

Sound familiar? That reminds me of people who make excuses about the healthy person they really should be in a relationship with, because the bad one is so much more familiar.

2. Watch Others who have Done it Before You

One of the greatest ways to move on is to watch others who have done what you want to do. That does not mean put them on a pedestal. Don’t put me on a pedestal, because I have gas.  And am in a cast… Plus, anyone you put far above yourself or in an untouchable space of awe will show flaws. I have chin hair.  But I got a chin hair trimmer for Valentine’s Day so we’re all good now. Try meeting celebrities you’ve admired forever and finding out they are super jerks. It ruins their movies. Everyone has a story.  And more people than you know have strange hairs growing out of strange places too. Fellas, check your ears.

Everyone has a bright shining light in them – including you. You don’t have to put someone in a celebrity status in your eyes, even celebrities, in order to watch what they do.

Image from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I watched Oprah when I was young with the belief if she could get past her childhood hell, talk about it and move on, so could I. When I was on the bunny slopes, I watched the good skiers on the blue and black runs and how they moved their bodies. When I was in elementary school and high school I used to think the hot guys coming back from summer vacations with casts on were even hotter. I watched a video about how to move from moderate to intermediate. I watched my family members who are really good skiers. Of course, I watched with the belief that I could never do that, but I still watched them. Best of all, I watched those just a little ahead of me, those who looked like they were very tentative skiing and took even the blue run slowly. Oh, it was okay to look like scared, be scared and go slowly. Ah…  And try not to fall on your face and break a leg too.

3. Listen to the Coach & Get on the Lift

If you want to learn how to drive a car, you should listen to an instructor, and then you have to get into the driver’s seat. When you’re facing healing from something traumatic, a therapist is a great help. If you’re going to take a stab at that creative project, a mentor or consultant who has done it before is a great help. That doesn’t mean you have to run out and get frequent flier miles on your credit card running it up paying all kinds of money for coaches, therapists etc. A great surgeon was good in my case since I needed six screws on a leg broken in two places. There are videos online for just about anything you want to learn – for free. There are tons of healing techniques, articles and videos about healing on this site – for free. The hospital is not for free, thank Goddess I have health insurance.

Image: Michal Marcol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I have family and friends who are much better skiers than I am. So, even though I “was never going up there with them” I listened to them, while I stayed on the bunny slopes and green runs.  Those are also the same family members who skied easily in front of me while I fell behind and on my face.

Even though you may be adamant that you’re never going to have a a healthy, fun relationship without all this “work” many say it has to be, even though you may not be able to picture yourself living a happy whole life, listen and watch those who are. If you don’t know any, go find them. I remember meeting the first couple I’d ever seen who were happily together, respecting and lifting each other up in both of their lives while creating a harmonious one together. I stared at them like I was meeting aliens. Now they are family to me.  They also rushed me to the hospital and fed me ice chips when I wasn’t supposed to eat before surgery.

So even though I could never picture myself being able to get on that blue run, I moved my body like I was told to. I played around with it. I copied what my friends and family were doing. I tried it – on the bunny and the green runs that is! And as far as my original fear of skiing only being a rich man’s sport, we went on days when the lift tickets were half-price and the rentals for beginners are cheap.  And the ski patrol whooshing me down the mountain on the emergency sled were so very nice and comforting.

4. Do It Your Way & Have Fun

Even though you may have a coach, therapist, mentor, best friend etc who you have watched and listened to – you are still a unique spark in the Universe. After you listen, watch and learn about new ways of doing things you still have to try it yourself. You won’t be exactly like the ones you’ve watched – thank Goddess! We can all interpret dance moves!

Even if you fall on your face and break a leg, get back up (once you’ve healed).  I’ve kept my sense of humor and adventure during the “break” time too.

After watching those far ahead and also a tad bit ahead of me on the learning curve go down a blue run, I realized I could go as slowly as I wanted. Or just fall. I didn’t need to fly down at ungodly speeds. So I tried it. I cursed, I made funny noises, I stopped over at the side to let speed racers go by, but I made it down. Then I tried it again and realized it was the speed that scared me. I was scared to face downhill because going fast is what freaked me out. But watching my friends and family who are expert skiers, and watching those at the same level as me mosey down, made me realize I was not going to fall. Until I got tangled in my own legs. Going faster actually made the ride easier. Most accidents, like mine, happen on the ski lift or while standing still. I was falling when I was slowing down and freaking out. I knew how to turn and how to stop so I went for it.

I faced down the mountain and I skied it. In the spirit of doing it my own way, I made up a song as I went and giggled to myself with every turn. “Don’t be afraid of speed. Don’t be afraid of speed” I sang to myself to talk myself into it as well as distract me from the fear of what I was actually doing – skiing! My family of fancy skiers pulled over to the side to watch me and yelled, “You’re doing it! You’re doing it!” I zoomed past them, careful not to turn and look at them so I didn’t fall and eat it. I just went with the flow of my own turns to the beat of my own song “Don’t be afraid of speed. Don’t be afraid of speed.” I also sang that as I was being sped down the mountain on the sled by ski patrol. We met at the bottom and if I could have I would have jumped up and down in my skies. I had done it. I didn’t fall and break my back. Nope, broke my leg. I didn’t ride down on my butt. And I had just skied a blue run!! I got on the lift and did it again, and again and again. Until the following week…

Image: bulldogza / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Oh my God, you know what’s amazing?” I asked like a little kid who just learned to swim. “I’m having fun!” When I first started to learn, it was not fun. It was scary. I wanted to give up, go home or at least stay inside while everyone else went and killed themselves trying to fly down a mountain. Then I reached the point of fun. It’s fun!  The ride on the sled was the fastest I’ve ever been skiing and was fun too!

The exact same thing happens when you finally realize there are no more panic attacks, that your attraction to the toxic men and women is gone, that you no longer think about your story of hardship and trauma anymore – that you’ve moved on.   Just like standing at the bottom of a mountain or a hospital bed and promising you’ll never ever get to the top, living a whole full life after trauma may seem daunting. But it is not only possible, it can be really fun. And I will ski again!

Even if you’re at the stage where you’re falling on your face at each turn like I did, or you broke your leg like I did, know there are others who have gone before you and succeeded. The only difference between you and them is time.

Enjoy the ride. Even if it’s to the hospital.  I laughed the whole way, even through the pain.  And don’t worry, I’m fine. I’m very loved and well looked after. This is a big “slow down” sign so I’m resting – but I still have my laptop and I still tweet!

After seeing another friend of mine have to sell her house after supporting a starving artist husband – I had to take a long pause complete with long sigh. I’m not saying we shouldn’t help each other, that’s what makes the world tick, I’m saying we need a reality check, especially those people (men and women) who take care of everyone else to the detriment of themselves.

First of all, it is called Co-Dependent. Been there, done that, know all about it.  Read Codependent No More.

Second of all, it’s high time we all got smarter, downsized, lived within our means and grew more instead of giving way the farm. Plus, you can give away more once you have more anyway – for those who still give give give everything away (pointing to myself).

How can you downsize while growing?

1. Grow Your Own Food

Don’t give me that, “I can’t because I’m in the city” because there are rooftop gardens, planter boxes, pots to have inside plants and there are community gardens in most cities -

The price of food is rising, so growing your own is super valuable.  Then you can learn to can – and that’s sexy.   Bet you didn’t think I’d say that, but it’s true.  I’m going to learn this summer – watch me!

I’m using the Garden Planner from GroOrganic  – http://gardenplanner.groorganic.com/ – to plot and plan my garden and I haven’t even found a spot of dirt yet to put it in but I’m looking!

I have never had a green thumb either, but I’m researching to see just what I can and should grow to be able to eat greens daily, then can and pickle food.  I’ll probably start blogging about it in the spring when I can get my hands in some dirt.  What do you think about that?

2.  Drink Water, Don’t Waste It

Watch where you’re spending in your house.  You may not think leaving the water running is costing you anything but it is.

The Pedal Valve – http://pedalvalve.com/- is a great way to save.  It’s a foot pedal to turn your water one.  Smart!  No more excuses to leave the water running while you’re shaving fellas!  I want one of these.

Also the Evolve Shower Head – http://evolveshowerheads.com/ – saves so much water.  I have one myself and it’s so clever and doesn’t take away from the water pressure like I was worried it would.  We want to conserve, but we still want our powerful hot showers, right?

Even if you live where you have a well, and not in a city like Los Angeles, conserving water is key.  You can save it to use on your garden!

3. Work Your Body instead of your Wallet

Save money on all those gym memberships (pointing to myself again) by getting your exercise by walking to do your errands and riding your bike to lunch.   Find trails in your area like the ANT created.

You’ll spend less in gas and you’re keep your butt and thighs nice and firm too.

4.  Save 5 Bucks

Image from Pachd.com

I learned this from Marci Liroff and Bonnie Gillespie who host the Your Actor MBA site with Mitchell Fink.

The concept is to save 5 bucks every time a 5 dollar bill comes into your world.  Take every 5 dollar bill and put it in a safe place.  I use one of my old wooden handbags since I collect hats and bags.  You’ll be surprised how many you collect too, my little bag is now full of them and I’m moving my collection to a big hat.  The rule is that you can’t touch it.  If you borrow from it, you have to replace it.  You’ll find that you start looking out for 5s when you do this.  Bonnie Gillespie Facebooked that she had over a thousand dollars in no time.  I’m not quite there, but it is fun to watch it grow.  Then use it for something wise – like getting your new shower head or water pedal!

5.  Get In Touch with Reality

If you have a credit card, stop using it.  Seriously.  Stop coming up with excuses to spend money like “It’s Saturday!”  “It’s Bobby Burns Day!”  “It’s raining.”   Etc etc.

Make an excel spreadsheet of every single bill you have, including sites like your Flickr account and your Blip.tv Pro account. Even the eight dollars a month or twenty-five a year adds up.  Even that Netflix account, can you justify it?  I personally love my Netflix and cut other bills out in order to keep that one.  But what about renting from the library instead?  Go through your bank statements and see what is dinging you, especially those internet accounts that ding you monthly.

Make a list of everything you spend any bit of money on, along with your rent/mortgage, health care (hahaha), car insurance etc etc.   Total the monthly expense.  Ideally, you should have a savings account with six months worth of that total for a cushion.  Reality check much?  Not many of us can say we have that, especially those who support others before themselves.  What do you pay in rent or mortgage?  Do you make four times that a month?  Hmmm…. reality check?  Maybe it’s time for a roommate?

What are some clever realistic ways to save?  Since you probably have internet, what about cutting out any large phone bills and Skyping instead?

Even my friends who are millionaires and billionaires are downsizing.  Yes, I know some very rich people and they have been lecturing me about all of these things.   They are rich because they are smart with their money.  They buy used cars.  They shop at discount markets.  They sold the extra horse.  They eat at home most of the week.  And they don’t hand out money to everyone either.  They look after themselves and their family first.  But they do love to give advice on money I’ve noticed and how to save it.  Number one is to stop spending it.

6.  Have Some Fun – For Free

Don’t beat yourself up about it.   The best entrepreneurs in the world hit rock bottom, sometimes more than once.   Play Monopoly for fun.  Create a Vision Board and put pictures and words up of the life you want to create. I made one with the barn house I want to live in since I have a dream of writing from a farm and emailing scripts and books to LA and New York.  Now I’m looking for a plot of dirt.

Watch that Funky Monkey video in the video box to the right and tap while visualizing something inspiring like you being financially independent.  Have a pot luck with friends and all bring a dish. Save money by making a frittata for brunch out of last night’s leftovers.

What are some ways you’re having fun instead of freaking out?

How are you saving?

How are you downsizing?

Most of all – how are you taking care of yourself?

How much walking do you do?  What about riding your bike?  It’s amazing how many times and how often we jump into the car when an errand or a destination may be less than two miles away.

Lynn Reecer and Stephanie Schultz thought the same thing.  They founded Aboite New Trails (ANT) in 2002 in Fort Wayne, Indiana.  Their vision was a community trail system that promised safe pedestrian and bicycle travel to assets like parks, schools, shopping areas and places of employment.   Their mission is to improve the quality of life for area citizens through the development of a multi-use trail system.

Imagine if this was an ANT in every city!   Healthy communities can be safer communities too.  There’s nothing like a family spending time with each other on a walk or run, even at an ant’s pace.

In the spirit of finding new ways to not get into the car, I’ve been walking two miles to lunch and two miles back.  It does take up extra time, but it’s less time doing that then getting into the car, driving to a gym, or a hike across the city.  Plus, moving your body is great for the brain.  Going for a walk gives you contemplation time to dream up new ways to live healthier.

Try it.  Let the ANTs in!

Thanks to my friend Jared’s Facebook wall, I found this video!

Oh joy to the world, the dance has begun!

I suggest we all do this but repeat the whole thing on the right side.  I dare you to film yourself doing this and share it.

Double dog dare you.

Writing can add profound joy to your life, especially if you are like me and need to do it. I wrote a post on getting started but would also like to address the pain perils.

I am one of those writers who can sit for eighteen hours straight, lose all track of time, forget to eat, lose sleep and become completely in love with the words appearing on the screen. Alas, that’s not always a good thing. For example I have a strange pain down my right hand, shoulder and forearm and a throbbing pain in the knuckle of my left index finger. I’m actually having to delicately type this, unlike my usual typing with purpose.

What is carpal tunnel syndrome?

According to the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stoke:  Carpal tunnel syndrome occurs when the median nerve, which runs from the forearm into the hand, becomes pressed or squeezed at the wrist. The median nerve controls sensations to the palm side of the thumb and fingers (although not the little finger), as well as impulses to some small muscles in the hand that allow the fingers and thumb to move. The carpal tunnel – a narrow, rigid passageway of ligament and bones at the base of the hand – houses the median nerve and tendons. Sometimes, thickening from irritated tendons or other swelling narrows the tunnel and causes the median nerve to be compressed. The result may be pain, weakness, or numbness in the hand and wrist, radiating up the arm. Although painful sensations may indicate other conditions, carpal tunnel syndrome is the most common and widely known of the entrapment neuropathies in which the body’s peripheral nerves are compressed or traumatized.

What causes it?

According to Medicinenet.com - For most patients, the cause of their carpal tunnel syndrome is unknown. Any condition that exerts pressure on the median nerve at the wrist can cause carpal tunnel syndrome. Common conditions that can lead to carpal tunnel syndrome include obesity, pregnancy, hypothyroidism, arthritis, diabetes, and trauma. Tendon inflammation resulting from repetitive work, such as uninterrupted typing, can also cause carpal tunnel symptoms. Carpal tunnel syndrome from repetitive maneuvers has been referred to as one of the repetitive stress injuries.

OMG, you’re telling me that the repetitive motion of uninterrupted typing or writing longhand for hours on end, which is what I love doing is causing me pain?  Noooooo!!!

Is there any treatment?

1. Rest the affected hand or wrist for two weeks
2. Take anti-inflammatory drugs like aspirin or ibuprofen
3. Use Ice packs
4. Adjust computer keyboards and chair height to optimize comfort
5. Stop repetitive motions periodically to rest and stretch
6. Take Vitamin C
7. Tap by using EFT or TFT

Am I able to not write for two weeks?  Ah, I think not.  So I am changing my chair, moving my laptop to different places through the day and typing as delicately as possible.  I’m not to the point of pain to pop Advil yet but I will stop typing, ice and stretch or stretch then ice.

According the Mercola.com you can use EFT (or TFT) to help with the pain too.  That is the tapping technique I share a lot on the Survivor Manual. As simple as it seems, that stuff works!   I’m tapping for pain too.

Does it get better?

From what I read on Google, the majority of people recover completely when they rest, perform stretching exercises, take rest breaks and watch their posture and position of their wrists.   Some have had to use splints and some have opted for surgery!  Yikes.  I’m a much bigger believer in alternative healing techniques you can find on Mercola.com

By contributor Joann Shelton

It is springtime in the park.  The new leaves on the trees are vibrant green.  Daffodils and narcissi dot the banks of the small lake where ducks have gathered to swim.  The flowers’ exhilarating fragrances beckon memories.  Sounds of quacking ducks, songbirds, and laughing children are carried through the air; and my heart expands as I breathe deeply of the love of life.

Children feed the ducks while proud parents watch from nearby benches in the warm spring glow.  Angela, my four-year old daughter; takes bread from my hand and runs off to join in while I sit with the other parents.

Angela enthusiastically flings pieces of bread into the swarm of quacking ducks.  Soon her little arm loses its rapid rhythm.  The bread is gone.  She begins chasing the baby ducks, attracting the annoyed attention of many parents, who turn to glare at me.

I know Angela will probably start to wail if I physically intervene.  Instead, I start to silently sing HU, an ancient name for God.  I often do this in times of stress to help me remain clam.  I ask what I should do, and open myself to guidance.  Divine Spirit whispers, “Be patient.”

I smile apologetically at the concerned parents as though everything is all right.  Soon Angela stops chasing the ducks and wanders toward me with a pouted lip.

I put my arms around her and ask, “Why are you chasing the ducks?”

“I want to take one home,” she says angrily.

“Well, Angela, if someone was chasing you and trying to take you away from your mother, would you want to go?”

“No,” she admits, looking down at the ground.

In a moment of inspiration, I ask, “Does the little duck know how much you love it?” as I stroke her hair.

She gives no response, so I continue, “If you tell the duck you love it and you will leave it with its mommy, maybe it will let you pet it.”

She looks up at me with her beautiful hazel-green eyes:  pools of familiarity and knowingness.  Suddenly she blurts, “OK,” and quickly runs to the ducks.

Angela squats down and puts her hand on the ground.  Then, to the surprise of everyone, including me, a baby duck walks right into her palm!

The parents and I gape as she pets this tiny, fluffy baby duck.  Time stands still for the exchange of love.

Then the little duck hops off her hand and goes back to its mother.  Angela, beaming with joy, runs to me with outstretched arms.  She hugs me tightly for a long, long time, while parents and children applaud and cheer.

Love touches everyone and everything, as my heart soars on this glorious spring day.  I silently thank the Holy Spirit and sing another HU.

Joann Shelton lives downtown Asheville, NC where she walks everywhere, tweets four letter words @fourletterwords and is finishing Back Road Girl, her autobiography.

As many of you who know me already know, I love my cups.

For those who have gotten bitten by the cup bug, the company is having a video shoot this Saturday in the Los Angeles area.

Softcup is giving you the opportunity to be in their new customer video. They will provide lunch, free Softcups and goody bags for anyone willing to hop in front of the camera and rave about the Softcup! I’d so be there myself if I was going to be in LA. It’s my birthday weekend too, I’d love some Softcups!!

They want Softcup fans of all backgrounds, shapes, sizes and personalities, so that means YOU!

RSVP if you’re interested in participating.

Even if you aren’t in LA or can’t make it to the shoot, I recommend that you try this cup if you haven’t.  It is so great.  And PS you can also use when you’re not on your period and you’re trying to get pregnant.  Bonus.  Just put on in afterward…  Tricks and treats of the great cup.