Have you read the The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles?  I highly recommend it.   For the artist living the life they love, it is a great confirmation that you’re doing the right thing and a great hooohaaa to keep going.  For those working to find their artistic side, dedicate themselves to their craft or take their art-work seriously – it is a great slap in the face.

Steven talks about Resistance being the reason that so many do not follow through with their dreams.  It is Resistance that keeps you from sitting down to write or from finishing that book or putting the first stroke of color on a blank canvas.

I’ve been asked many times how in the world I can do so much. How do you write a three hundred page book and also keep your Facebook page going? How did you write that comedy screenplay and that drama in the same year?  How can you travel and speak on stage and still get that book to the editor in time?   After reading this book I can happily say:

Resistance is my bitch.  BITCH = Being In Total Control of Herself

I love seeing people conquer Resistance and boy have I seen it.  I love what Sunni Brown created here:

Image from SunniBrown.com

Today I’m going to go write the last ten pages on the screenplay I’m working on, then I’m going to tweet, then read a chapter in the book I’m reading at the moment, then tweet and FB, then reread the screenplay from the beginning and start to rewrite it.  Writing is rewriting.

What are you doing that you love?

How to slap Resistance upside its head and do what you love?

Mary Kelly is one of the best mentors I ever had.  There’s a lot of talk about money now, learning about it, saving it, downsizing etc.  I follow @Lotay on Twitter and he’s blogging about money too on his Introduction to Wealth.

I learned the most about money when I had the great opportunity to be coached and consulted by Mary Kelly Consulting so I had to share this video of a call I had with her when I was Stirring Up Trouble.

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Mary has four main steps to taking action around money:

1. Get Interested

Get interested in your finances, what you’re worth, what you’re doing with your money and how you can make and save more.  When you see that it’s you who is going to save you, it can become pretty clear.   Sometimes money gives people panic attacks just thinking about it, but once you get past the fear, it can be fun.  Really.

2. Tell the Truth

That’s a hard one when you have to face a pile of debt, the starving artist boyfriend, and maybe the fact that you’re totally co-dependent.  Oops. I wrote about making an excel sheet of all you make, owe and pay out in the Downsizing post.

3. Get Educated

Mary says that more men learn about money than women, but when you look at all that women do during their multi-tasking they could easily add “Learn about Money” to the list.  Here are some book Mary recommends:

Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny

The Road to Wealth Revised

Suze Orman’s Action Plan: New Rules for New Times

4.  Take Action

Mary repeats over and over that to take action, you have to reduce and eventually eliminate debt and save money.  There are ways on the Downsizing post.

Ah, money.   After traveling with my doc I’ve seen many people in crisis and panic and along with the self-abuse, self-hatred, health problems and repeated trauma is financial crisis.   There’s plenty of healing information and resources on The Survivor Manual, now how about healing on every level, including your wallet?

Related posts:

1. Love Sex Money
2. Collecting Gold Coins (how to make more money)
3. 5 Steps to Making Money in this Bizarre Bazaar World

After seeing another friend of mine have to sell her house after supporting a starving artist husband – I had to take a long pause complete with long sigh. I’m not saying we shouldn’t help each other, that’s what makes the world tick, I’m saying we need a reality check, especially those people (men and women) who take care of everyone else to the detriment of themselves.

First of all, it is called Co-Dependent. Been there, done that, know all about it.  Read Codependent No More.

Second of all, it’s high time we all got smarter, downsized, lived within our means and grew more instead of giving way the farm. Plus, you can give away more once you have more anyway – for those who still give give give everything away (pointing to myself).

How can you downsize while growing?

1. Grow Your Own Food

Don’t give me that, “I can’t because I’m in the city” because there are rooftop gardens, planter boxes, pots to have inside plants and there are community gardens in most cities -

The price of food is rising, so growing your own is super valuable.  Then you can learn to can – and that’s sexy.   Bet you didn’t think I’d say that, but it’s true.  I’m going to learn this summer – watch me!

I’m using the Garden Planner from GroOrganic  – http://gardenplanner.groorganic.com/ – to plot and plan my garden and I haven’t even found a spot of dirt yet to put it in but I’m looking!

I have never had a green thumb either, but I’m researching to see just what I can and should grow to be able to eat greens daily, then can and pickle food.  I’ll probably start blogging about it in the spring when I can get my hands in some dirt.  What do you think about that?

2.  Drink Water, Don’t Waste It

Watch where you’re spending in your house.  You may not think leaving the water running is costing you anything but it is.

The Pedal Valve – http://pedalvalve.com/- is a great way to save.  It’s a foot pedal to turn your water one.  Smart!  No more excuses to leave the water running while you’re shaving fellas!  I want one of these.

Also the Evolve Shower Head – http://evolveshowerheads.com/ – saves so much water.  I have one myself and it’s so clever and doesn’t take away from the water pressure like I was worried it would.  We want to conserve, but we still want our powerful hot showers, right?

Even if you live where you have a well, and not in a city like Los Angeles, conserving water is key.  You can save it to use on your garden!

3. Work Your Body instead of your Wallet

Save money on all those gym memberships (pointing to myself again) by getting your exercise by walking to do your errands and riding your bike to lunch.   Find trails in your area like the ANT created.

You’ll spend less in gas and you’re keep your butt and thighs nice and firm too.

4.  Save 5 Bucks

Image from Pachd.com

I learned this from Marci Liroff and Bonnie Gillespie who host the Your Actor MBA site with Mitchell Fink.

The concept is to save 5 bucks every time a 5 dollar bill comes into your world.  Take every 5 dollar bill and put it in a safe place.  I use one of my old wooden handbags since I collect hats and bags.  You’ll be surprised how many you collect too, my little bag is now full of them and I’m moving my collection to a big hat.  The rule is that you can’t touch it.  If you borrow from it, you have to replace it.  You’ll find that you start looking out for 5s when you do this.  Bonnie Gillespie Facebooked that she had over a thousand dollars in no time.  I’m not quite there, but it is fun to watch it grow.  Then use it for something wise – like getting your new shower head or water pedal!

5.  Get In Touch with Reality

If you have a credit card, stop using it.  Seriously.  Stop coming up with excuses to spend money like “It’s Saturday!”  “It’s Bobby Burns Day!”  “It’s raining.”   Etc etc.

Make an excel spreadsheet of every single bill you have, including sites like your Flickr account and your Blip.tv Pro account. Even the eight dollars a month or twenty-five a year adds up.  Even that Netflix account, can you justify it?  I personally love my Netflix and cut other bills out in order to keep that one.  But what about renting from the library instead?  Go through your bank statements and see what is dinging you, especially those internet accounts that ding you monthly.

Make a list of everything you spend any bit of money on, along with your rent/mortgage, health care (hahaha), car insurance etc etc.   Total the monthly expense.  Ideally, you should have a savings account with six months worth of that total for a cushion.  Reality check much?  Not many of us can say we have that, especially those who support others before themselves.  What do you pay in rent or mortgage?  Do you make four times that a month?  Hmmm…. reality check?  Maybe it’s time for a roommate?

What are some clever realistic ways to save?  Since you probably have internet, what about cutting out any large phone bills and Skyping instead?

Even my friends who are millionaires and billionaires are downsizing.  Yes, I know some very rich people and they have been lecturing me about all of these things.   They are rich because they are smart with their money.  They buy used cars.  They shop at discount markets.  They sold the extra horse.  They eat at home most of the week.  And they don’t hand out money to everyone either.  They look after themselves and their family first.  But they do love to give advice on money I’ve noticed and how to save it.  Number one is to stop spending it.

6.  Have Some Fun – For Free

Don’t beat yourself up about it.   The best entrepreneurs in the world hit rock bottom, sometimes more than once.   Play Monopoly for fun.  Create a Vision Board and put pictures and words up of the life you want to create. I made one with the barn house I want to live in since I have a dream of writing from a farm and emailing scripts and books to LA and New York.  Now I’m looking for a plot of dirt.

Watch that Funky Monkey video in the video box to the right and tap while visualizing something inspiring like you being financially independent.  Have a pot luck with friends and all bring a dish. Save money by making a frittata for brunch out of last night’s leftovers.

What are some ways you’re having fun instead of freaking out?

How are you saving?

How are you downsizing?

Most of all – how are you taking care of yourself?

Related posts:

1. Ways to tell your story
2. 10 Ways to Say You’re Not Interested (or NO)
3. 8 Ways to Care for and Feed Your Geek

This was so great, thought I’d share it.  I can so relate to what Rev. Michael spoke about after giving up everything and getting everything.  There’s nothing like watching the chaos turn into clarity.  Your real friends show up.  Your connection to the infinite is more focused and joy is triumphant!

Related posts:

1. This Sunday – Angela Shelton at Smithsonian
2. Turning Pain into Power
3. Women’s Coloring Books

What commitment are you going to make to your own genius?  Are you a genius?  What are you doing to be a creative vehicle?

PS I love Ted.

Related posts:

1. The Reluctant Genius
2. Elizabeth Gilbert: A different way to think about creative genius

As you run a thriving business and life, there comes a time when you must fire someone.  I was speaking to a female filmmaker at Digital Hollywood in Los Angeles about the issue of being too nice.  She said she was being too nice and getting walked over and it was costing her time and giving her heartaches.  I told her she needed to learn the art of firing people and being a bitch.  She leaned back nervously and shocked.  When I smiled and explained that I didn’t mean being mean to people, I meant Being In Total Control of Herself aka Bitch. Or “Himself” in honor of the my bitchy queen friends (who don’t tend to have this issue.)

When you are working on a project, no matter what project it is, you have an end goal.  If anyone, I don’t care who it is, steps in front of that end goal, tries to halt it, derail it or mess with it in any way – you need to fire them.  What’s more important – being nice and not upsetting anyone or getting to your end goal?  There are a lot more people who will try to help you fail than there are those who will help you succeed.  It’s because so many people don’t follow their dreams and when they see someone who is, it’s easier for them to try and halt that progress than to stop projecting their own issues and get on the success shuttle.  You can love people up all you want and I certainly encourage that. I love everybody, usually. But you won’t see me working with just anyone. I’ve done that and had to learn the hard way.  The saying “It’s lonely at the top” is said for a reason because as you get to where you’re going on the journey of success, many won’t be able to take the ride with you simply because they aren’t yet ready to accept prosperity.  It’s not your job to fix them.  It’s your job to be an example of what can happen when you move forward.  When you move forward, you may have to fire people.

12 Reasons to fire someone:

1. You’re late.
   • There are always exceptions to being late like you were caught in a tsunami. But there is traffic in the city, deal with it and plan for it. It’s better to be early and sit in your car and read or meditate than to be late. Being late is disrespectful to everyone on the project.  There are people who are chronically late with the excuse that they are just that way. Don’t be that person and don’t hire that person either. Fire them.
2. You litter.
   • Littering tells a lot about someone. It shows that they don’t respect the environment, others in the world and even themselves.  I can’t stand it when anyone litters. If you litter on my set, you’re fired.
3. You Bring Drama.
   • Running a business is already difficult without the drama.  If there is someone who repeatedly brings drama you need to cut them loose.  For example the person who is always having a breakdown and angry texting their intimate partner, the ones who get into yelling matches, the ones who always have a cloud of chaos surrounding them and the ones who point blame at the little gray cloud over their heads instead of getting to work.  Get a therapist and get off my set.
4. You’re an Agent.
   • The age of the middle man is dying. We are all connected.  For every artist out there with an agent, you’ll hear about their favorite projects being passed on by that agent without the artist even knowing about it.  Booo hisss.  This is for my many actor friends who have had to fire their agents for creating drama and ruining projects. (God bless you rare agents out there who actually get it)
5. You Waste Time.
   • Time is money. Don’t waste it.  Put the bong down and get to work.  For every person who plays solitaire when they should be working, there is an entrepreneur ready to invent the next world changing product.  Don’t waste time.
6. You Lie, Cheat and/or Steal.
   • This one is a given but for some it isn’t, amazingly.  I’ve seen how people who crave drama and carry it with them are also those who tend to lie, cheat and steal so by getting rid of the drama you can many times avoid the thieves too.
7. You Keep Strange Company.
   • This one also fits under bringing drama but has a slot all its own because some people crave and carry strange company.  I’m talking about the hanger-on who comes to work with you to “wait until you’re off” or the creepy-weirdos who show up unannounced and take up work time with drama.
8. You Drunk Dial.
   • It is time to deal with your addictions, not bring them to work.  There are plenty of roads to recovery out there, find them.
9. You Don’t Do What You Say You’re Going To Do.
   • One of the keys to success is doing what you say you’re going to do.  Even if you’re in the indie world and it takes you longer, you still do it.  If you have people around who do not do what they say they’re going to do, guess what?  Fire them.
10. You Fit into the Cycle of Power and Control Wheel
    • Violence and abusive jerks (all genders) will only create more problems. I don’t care if they are good at what they do, if they have a good story, do good work or are really talented at whatever – if they are abusive, they need to be fired.
      
11. You Have to Be Told Twice.
    
    • This goes without saying and also goes with doing what you say you’re going to do.  I give the grand plan once.  Take notes.
12. You Just Don’t Get It.
    
    • Sometimes you run across someone who just doesn’t get it.  They don’t get the reason you’re going after your goal, why you’re so passionate, why you’re doing what you’re doing in the first place and how they fit into the bigger picture.  If they don’t get it, they are wasting your time.  Love them, but don’t work with them.

Related posts:

1. Ready, Aim, Fire ~ Blowing a Hole in the Past

Sometimes you just have to say no.  But how do you do that?  What if you’re a caretaker and have a hard time saying no? What if you’re a people-pleaser?  What if you care more about what others think than protecting yourself?  What if you need some help saying no?

Here are a few ways to say no:

1. Silence. Simply remaining silent, especially with demanding angry types works well.
2. “Thank you.”  When you’re asked to give money, time, energy a great way to say no is to simply say thank you and keep walking.  It makes them think you already did what they’re asking of you. By the time they figure it out, you’re already at your car and locking your doors.
3. “I did that already, thanks.”  On top of saying thank you, you can admit that you’ve already done that – especially if it’s an engagement question.  This works if you’ve already been married.
4. The glare.  Perfect your glare.  Sometimes the glare is better than simple silence.
5. “I have diarrhea.”  No one is going to demand that you stay at the party or even go for that matter.
6. “Oh, I’m working with the person who is paying me, thanks.”  For all the times people want you to work for free.
7. “I have to talk to my psychic.”  That always gets them running, unless they ask for the number.
8. “That sounds great, but my calendar won’t allow it.”  Blame the calender; it can’t talk back.
9. “I don’t hang out with rapists, thanks.”  For those times when your family insists on you visiting.
10. “I hear my mama calling me” is a great way to leave the situation.  Mama!
11. Bonus – just say no.

Here are 101 other ways to say no.

How to say no in the 50′s:

What’s Your Cause?  How many times have you heard the word NO?

I’m speaking at the Screenwriter’s Expo in Napa March 27th at 9am-10:20am about being a rebel with a cause and moving around the No Factor.  Speaking of hearing no repeatedly in you various fields, here’s a little video for fun:

As a rule-breaking entrepreneur myself, I’ve certainly know about the seemingly insurmountable challenges that come with being a creative person with a cause.

I’m also speaking at the Unleash Your Inner Entrepreneur Conference in San Diego, CA on April 24, 2010

Related posts:

1. Being an Entrepreneur, Go Indie or Die

I was very happy to arrive to this year’s Sundance Film Festival and see that the theme is Rebel!  Oh yeah baby, you know how I feel about being a rebel. I spoke with Redford last night about why we make movies and he spoke about focusing on the social change more than anything. I love him.  Watch this video.

Speaking of being a rebel check out Nomosa!  No-More-Starving-Artists is not just their name, it’s their mission. Nomosa is committed to providing artists the opportunity to create financial sustainability through the use of an innovative web based platform developed by artists for artists.  I love them!  Be a rebel!

Related posts:

1. Rebel Hearts – August 30th in Los Angeles
2. Artists for Peace and Justice
3. Becoming a Rebel Star ~ Escaping the Black Hole

After being on the road for a decade working on an independent film and now taking the leap into a new one, I have learned many valuable lessons.  If you have taken the 30 day journey emails that created to go along with my sword theory and analogy, you’ll understand this even more.  If you’re in the Army of Angels, you know what I’m talking about.  Of course you don’t have to do either to get the message to get over yourself.

Be Committed to Your Mission

What’s your mission?  On the last day of the 30 day journey I ask you to write a mission statement.  What is your mission statement?  What do you stand for, fight for, believe in or want to see happen in the world?  It could be anything from being an example to others on how to eat more consciously, you could have an invention that could heal thousands of people or you could simply want to be nice to your fellow humans and spread joy daily.  It could be anything, the important thing is that you have it.  In order to have a mission, you have to do some soul searching. It’s not about what your partner, boss, ex-husband, parents, grandparents or whoever else told you that you should do – it’s about what your heart and soul say to you.  Of course sometimes, your loved ones keep telling you to pick up that guitar and sing and you’re the one who’s not listening.  Whatever it is, put all fears, doubts and worries aside and dream big when you think about your mission.  It could be anything and you can have more than one mission in life.  You can have a cause that you fight for like BACA does and you could have a mission to get your story out there.

Watch Your Language

Quit the bs language of fear, doubt or worry that creeps into your head.  Stop it, quit it, end it right now.  We’re done with that chapter.  Moving on.  I’m serious.  If you still have those thoughts that come up to stop you, halt you, making you sink into worry or anxiety – go work on that workbook.  You can download some free pages here to purge and replace those thoughts.  The number one reason people succeed and fail is because of what they are saying to themselves in their head.  So watch your language.

Watch Your Behavior

If you’re reacting to situations in your life in a way that is all too similar to old behavior from your past abuse, trauma or repeated patterns or if you are simply reacting to things – it’s time for an overhaul on your behavior.  It’s time for the mature adult to heal the inner child. It’s time to stop the repeated cycles of immaturity, old tapes of lack and limitation and any examples that you’ve been living by that are not coming from a place of unity.  It’s time to grow up.  We are a community.  We are in a new age.  It’s time to move forward.  We, like water, rise collectively and at the same level.  There is a dramatic shift in consciousness happening and any old patterns that do not work anymore have got to go.  That’s why I started the Survivor Manual so that those of you who have any lingering fear, panic, anxiety or trauma can get off the trauma train and onto the joy jet.

It is  not in your best interest to stay in a repeated cycle of abuse. It is best for you and for all of those around you for you to make the shift into an entirely new paradigm of living a whole healed life.  You don’t have to be a trauma survivor to get what I’m saying.  You could have a family that is stuck in the murky waters of complaining, judgment, hatred and greed.  It’s time to either change those conversations or stop talking.  You can affect your family and those around you be being an example. If you alert them that you are no longer going to entertain lower vibrational conversations and you stand by your word by leaving when it shows up – they will begin to follow your lead.  Watch your behavior.  Like children mimic us, people around you are affected by your behavior.  Not that we don’t all make mistakes. I fall on my face and sometimes my fanny, but I rise and I will continue to rise and I’m asking the same of you.  (Army of Angels, this is a core message to you that everyone else gets to see)

Time to turn over a whole new leaf.  What does that mean anyway?

You turn over a new leaf when you commit to changing your life for the better.”  (from the GoEnglish.com Pocket English Idioms)

Come on ladies (and gentlemen).  You’ve already heard my go off on all my visionary ideas on how to save yourself, your children and the world.  You’ve heard me go on and on and play with puppets and wear funny hats too just for fun.  I’ve talked about how I’ve seen many themes and patterns around people who had been through hell. Trauma = health problems to financial crisis to repeated self abuse cycles.  I speak a lot about removing the sword of trauma.  Removing the sword is not just about purging pain and healing the wound, it’s about learning sword play and being a warrior in your life.  Being a warrior is taking care of yourself on all levels and that includes your bank account.  So here we are. What do you do now?

Step 1 – Collect Gold Coins

I spoke about step one in this post.  It’s all about changing the way you view money, learning about money and having a place to put it. By the way, once you start learning about money and making it then you can start investing too with www.fxcm.com!

Here’s a video of me talking to Mary Kelly about money.

Step 2 – Have a Booth in the Bazaar – Start Your Own Blog or Website:

OMG What??  Start my own website?  I don’t know all that cyber teen talk!  It’s easier than you think and you can start small and branch out bigger as you become more familiar with it.  Much like we’re in the Bazaar of life, how are you going to be a part of it if you don’t have a booth?  You need a booth!

Blogger.com is free and easy and has great how-tos. WordPress is a bit fancier and I prefer it although I super love Google. The theme that my site is on is Thesis Theme and the clever Chris Pearson who created it has the best site ever on how to use it. Highly highly recommended.

Here’s some videos about how to set up your WordPress:

Step 3:  Sell Your Own Stuff – Products, Ideas, Consulting, Teaching

Now that you have your own site, you can sell your own product or products!  Check out what Vanessa Kennedy did with her Fluttering Designs. She was talented, inspired, started her own website store and now is selling like crazy.  That’s what I’m talking about!  Go support her and tell her I sent you with a *Squish* too.  Check out with the Modern Bag Ladies too. I mean really.  Genius. Get clever, be creative, let your inner superstar come out!

It’s no coincidence that the best way to make money in the real world is also the best way to make money in the online Bazaar  – your own products. You have a booth in this Bizarre Bazaar.  What are you selling, sharing or giving away at your booth? Selling your own product is the best way to generate cash and to protect yourself and your ideas from all the bizarre stuff that goes on in the world. For example if you’re selling someone else’s product, that person could die or go bankrupt or disappear into thin air.  If you’re selling your own product, you have more control and you know where the cash is and where it’s coming from.  Making money is also one of the most important steps to take in order to escape a violent situation (aka skip town and get away from that abuser), you need money.

You’re probably aware of the fact that the US is having money troubles. It’s a depressing recession. However, if you own a business and sell your own product, you can bypass being depressed because you’re selling a product that people like and need (hopefully), you have direct contact with your customers and you’re making sales and forging your place in the Bazaar of Life!

Not everyone has their own product to sell, so that may not be the solution for you. Fortunately, you can sell other people’s products while you’re sharing your thoughts, feelings and opinions on your own website.

Step 4:  Be Affiliated – Sell Someone Else’s Stuff

If selling your own product is the best way to make money, then selling someone else’s product is the second best way to make money. This is affiliate sales. There are tons of people doing this and making tons of money.  I’ve been one of those people who thought it was cheesy.  Although I love the Amazon Affiliate program.  You don’t have to be caught up in having the perfectly designed site either, most of the sites that make the most money are one page sites that go on and on in one long page, explaining how great the product is, an offer to buy it, testimonials about how great the product is and a button to buy it and that’s it.  And they make money!!  I have not made that much money at it, but ten bucks here and there buys a burrito!  And who knows, you could be way better at it than I am so try!

Affiliate programs have a bad name in a lot of circles because many times the products are like a trap, or don’t really work or it’s run by some fast talking sweaty anxious guy on the run from the law.  There are countless affiliate programs available online. You can promote as many programs as it makes sense to promote but don’t overcrowd your website because your booth is your booth!

In order to make the most returns as an affiliate, you need to follow two rules:

1. Make sure you’re promoting something that you genuinely like! If you love it, then that’s even better.  People (especially twitter birds) can sniff out if you’re inauthentic and just out to make money.   The more knowledgeable and authentic you are, the better you’ll do.  For example the affiliate program that sells my products works because you already like me,  know me, have had your own experiences with my books and workbooks and can genuinely talk about the differences they have made in your life.  You can just continue talking about my work and sharing links, and the only difference is that you have your affiliate link code in the image or within the link. Then when someone purchases from your link, you make money!  That’s the same deal with any affiliate, not just mine too!  You have to like it to sell it, otherwise it’s Blech!
2. You need to promote a quality product. An affiliate program can offer you great payouts, but if the product is not good and no one buys it, you make no money and it takes up room in your booth.  Don’t give away that valuable real estate in your booth unless it’s for something of value that works, whether it’s a piece of equipment or a book you think is awesome.

Step 5:  Have Fun!

You’re making money while you sleep. Go have some playtime. Find what works for you, what you believe in, what you already use and promote it. Best of all, create your own products.  Get creative.  I’m having fun because after all the years of speaking about trauma and seeing the repeated cycles of abuse, I have scratched my head over a way to help you make money.  Of course I made the usual care-taker mistake of giving away all that I had in order to help. (That’s why I wrote the book Will Date 4 Food!) I had to learn the valuable lesson of putting your own oxygen mask on first before helping others. But still I have stayed awake staring at the wall thinking of all the protective moms out there trying to save their kids, all the survivors who want to heal but can’t afford all the great therapies out there (that’s why I started Survivor Manual). I wrote my book (Finding Angela Shelton) for the same reason – as a call to action for more to heal and move forward, get out of the chaos and live in joy.

As we all spread the word and inspire and empower more people to heal, we create a global shift in consciousness.   I hope you find this useful and I look forward to hearing how you’re making money for yourself.  When you do, remember to spend money on good healthy food!  Even better, start a garden!

Follow me on Twitter @angelashelton

Related posts:

1. Panic and the PC (Breathe in the Bizarre Bazaar)
2. Love Sex Money
3. Bazaar Language

My friend Wendy Murphy who wrote And Justice for Some: An Expose of the Lawyers and Judges Who Let Dangerous Criminals Go Free also writes for the The Patriot Ledger.  Below is an article she just posted on
January 2, 2010.  You’ll see us both this coming weekend in Albany for the Battered Mother’s Custody Conference. I love Wendy Murphy.

A NEW DECADE’S RESOLUTION FOR WOMEN

Every thirty or forty years or so, women realize they’re getting a raw deal.  From voting rights to equal pay, the “movement” comes and goes.  But it’s been a while since the last wave – and in light of a recent study that found women are less happy now than they were decades ago, it’s high time for a tsunami.

It’s not that women are openly enslaved in misery.  It’s more insidious than that.  We’re stuck in the mire of a society that manipulates us through the cultural construct of what a “good” woman should look like, and how she should live her life.

One slick magazine cover after the next shows a perfectly coiffed wrinkle-free beauty, grinning ear to ear with Hollywood sized snow-white teeth, draped in the latest “must have” outfit.  Alongside the cover girls are reams of glossy home decorating magazines that feature gorgeous living rooms and kitchens filled with the trendiest appliances.

There aren’t any pictures of women in their pajamas with no make-up on and crooked teeth – sitting at a scratched up kitchen table surrounded by stacks of stuff.  Know why?  Because if real life were the standard bearer, women might actually be fairly content.  Instead, we’re running around buying things we don’t need in order to make our lives all matchy-matchy with the magazines.

The start of a new decade is a perfect time for a new movement.  Let it begin with women’s collective resolve to ignore all rules of fashion.

It’ll be easier for people like me who have never managed to stay current.  By the time I noticed that floor length summer dresses were “in”, they were out again.

Men long ago figured out how not to waste their time and money on fashion.  They wear suits.  Period.  Variety comes in black and gray – maybe a jazzy tie once in a while.  Brilliant.

Women need to get with the guys’ program.  We have more important things to do than shop for shoes with the “right” heel thickness or remember that gray is the new black, blah blah.

Freed from the burdens of being stylish, women will necessarily become happier simply because we’ll have more time for ourselves.  I’m not suggesting we lounge on the sofa all day.  I’m talking about substituting the things we truly care about, like taking a drawing class, volunteering at a homeless shelter, spending more time with our family and friends, etc., for the meaningless and expensive tasks of shopping for things we think will make us happy.

Women are subjected to the unfair judgments of others no matter what our choices, and because there never seems to be a “right” way to be, we keep chasing our tails and spinning our wheels into exhaustion and unhappiness.

It’s time to get off the high-speed merry-go-round and start serving ourselves a different type of what I call “cultural self-esteem”.  Example:  when you come to my home for a visit, don’t look around at the piles and compare what you see to the cover of a magazine while secretly pitying me for not having time to straighten up.  Say out loud, instead:  “I love your piles of stuff”!

This doesn’t mean women who love to decorate shouldn’t feel good about what they do.  Feeling good is exactly the point.  It just isn’t real happiness if the reason you hang new drapes is because you’re worried the neighbors might call you a fashion slouch.

While we’re working on liberating ourselves from the opinions of others, it’s equally important to be mindful of the judgments we make.  Women are too tough on each other.  From nasty looks on the sidelines of a soccer game when one of us forgets about “snack shack” duty, to refusing to invite a certain woman to a neighborhood party because she’s a bit “odd”, we are our own worst enemies.

Women haven’t supported each other for a long time – maybe because we’re more politically divided than ever before, with roughly equal amounts of us voting for Republicans and Democrats.

I think we can transcend party lines and work together to improve all women’s happiness.

Conservative or liberal, women generally agree that we are overwhelmed.  Entry into the workforce brought us more economic power, but less freedom in some ways because we took on more responsibilities.  After decades of increasing unhappiness, somethings’s got to give, but no woman wants to compromise on her family – and few will give up meaningful work.

What we can do is release some of the pressure by encouraging one another to spend precious time and money on things that make us truly happy – rather than in ways that please the magazine crowd.

Thanks Wendy!  This article made me think about one of my favorite books ever – America’s Women: 400 Years of Dolls, Drudges, Helpmates, and Heroines

Related posts:

1. Me and Wendy Murphy
2. Wendy Murphy and random acts of kindness
3. Women Against Women