If you’ve been reading my blog and watching me speak you’ve heard me say that there is no Community without Unity and there is not Unity without U.

You can watch lots of my speaking videos easily on this very site!

Where Do You Fit in Your Community?

Here I am again talking about – U – Unity and Community again.  But this time in a fun, helpful and a quick 50 bucks giveaway way. It all started with Kerry over at HouseTalkN.com (see how she got that pretty url and how you can take that .blogspot off or yours too).

Anyhoo, Kerry brought me into a new community.

“There is no Community without Unity and there is no Unity without U.”
Click to Tweet That!

She also got me into Link Parties before I had any idea what that was. Now I’m addicted to YeahWrite and post every Tuesday that I can. I’m on there this week, read all the writers (and me me me) and vote (for me me me).

A New Community

Then Kerry introduces me to Anna from My Life and Kid’s and Anna asked me to be a  Community Leader with a bunch of other bloggers – in this bizarre bazaar community of the Internet. Mommy Bloggers too, which gets me excited since I would really love to adopt that term if you know what I mean. (as in pregger!)

Of course I have to do what Kerry says since she’s so funny and even more persuasive. I’m even going to give her a first look exclusive at our house. Yes…

Did you know I was the one she called when she wanted to start her blog and didn’t know her RSS from her URL? Now she’s got her big girl blogger pants on and is teaching me things about how to be more a part of the blogging community. Imagine that!

Now I’m in!

I’ve become a Community Leader, starting conversations  from weddings and babies and homes to careers and writing and social media!

What’s In It For U?

Now, You  (yes U) can and should join the conversation HERE or below.

Wen you do you are entered to win a $50 Amazon gift card. WHAT? I didn’t get one of those!

Now I’m chatting up a storm (without my 50 dollar Amazon card) and I’m loving it. Kerry, bless her heart, has injected some super fun into my blog just when I was shifting from life in Malibu to Maybury. Perfect timing!

Come on in, it’s easy. I started a conversation asking advice about weddings btw – get in there and answer! Mine is quickly approaching.

The winner will be drawn on May 1. You have until April 30th to enter.
Each person has a chance to enter 11 times. WHAT?
That’s like me voting 50 times for Phillip Phillips on American Idol. Yes…

Enter to win and enter the community –>

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Related posts:

1. Pray the Devil Back to Hell with the Unity of Community

Who’s pregnant right now? Who has had a baby? Who wants one? And who has kids and is like are you nuts? Buy goats instead!

How Are Your Eggs?

Are you healthy? Are your eggs healthy? I mean really, are they?
Do you know if they are?

After revealing my experience with a miscarriage in the Operation Baby post, I must say eggs became a topic of conversation. Okay, and maybe I have eggs on the brain because I’m babysitting my neighbor’s chickens too.

This chicken is very concerned about her eggs btw. When I come to pick them up she wants to know just what I’m planning on doing with them. Are you concerned about your eggs? Do you take tabs on them or do you not even think about them at all?

Do you take your eggs for granted?

Fresh eggs from your own chickens are the healthiest best tasting eggs ever. Got chickens? Click to Tweet That!

Do You Ever Think About Your Eggs?

What about your eggs? I’m serious. Have you ever thought about egg donation?

Would you donate your eggs? What about using someone else’s eggs? How badly do you want that baby?

What if your eggs are healthy, but you just don’t have that many left? Oldie. I know. I hear the same thing. Seems like everyone talks about the issues with the woman, and hardly ever the — ah —

He’s a cock alright. We hear a lot about sperm donors (and cocks). I know a few women who have utilized their service too. But there are also eggs to think about.

I’ve been thinking about my eggs lately. Maybe it’s all the time I’m spending with those chickens!

“What’d you say about eggs? Where are my eggs, beeeatch?” (notice my precious chicken buddy in the back right looking all fancy with her litte feather hat.

Well, chicken or not, I’ve been reading the baby expert site – Baby Center about the whole process of eggs from fertilization to birth and I’ll admit it is both inspiring and daunting to think about how we create life.

At the moment, I’m working on having the healthiest life I can have so that me and my eggs are super healthy. Of course you actually come into this world with all the eggs you’re going to have so let’s hope they’re good eggs.

Here’s me with my little precious egg – she grew up into a mighty fine chicken.

Related posts:

1. How Can You Have Healthy Sex After Horrible Experiences?
2. Recipe for Leftovers and Healthy Sex (after hell)
3. 3 Questions to Ask to Help You Have a Healthy Happy Relationship

How much does fear stop you in your life? We’ve all heard that, right? Oh, it’s fear that stops you. If it wasn’t for being afraid, you’d get so much done. Well, sometimes it’s not fear at all that’s stopping you.

You are boldly braving this world with your bad self and coming up with all kinds of awesome ideas. Then you hit a road block or get stuck because you simply don’t know what to do next. You don’t have the full contact list in your little black book yet. Or you don’t know what you’re doing.

You’re not afraid, you just need a little road map. And business cards.

The reason I bring this up is because we were sitting at dinner the other night with a bad ass woman – just like yourself – or a freaking awesome dude (if you’re a dude reading this). The woman we were talking to was recently divorced after some wowsers of a long time with an alcoholic husband and she was going to have to go get a job. After being a stay-at-home-mom forever, going out on the job market was daunting. But she wasn’t scared, she is a genius.

By the way, anyone who says stay at home moms don’t work can go take a long walk off a short pier. Really.

Anyhoo… this particular woman is starting her own business! Wahoo! We were all very impressed with her ideas, her plan and the fact she already had a client list!

She started asking what we thought about what kind of cards she should make. She was getting frustrated with how cutting them herself was uneven and didn’t look professional.

I sat there and said, “Wait, work smarter, not harder. Just use VistaPrint.”

“Vista Print?”

“Yeah, it’s totally easy. I used that for years for my cards and you can get tons of stuff free and get a load of cards for way less than the aggrevation of trying to do it yourself.”

Then my hubby, who had been explaining to her how to make the cutting work better said, “You know what, she’s right. It’s way easier. I totally forgot about VP.”

See, it’s not about being afraid, it’s about knowing the next steps. Take the leap.

That goes for your bloggers too. Some of knew your URL was prettier without the .blogspot or .wordpress at the end of it but you didn’t know how to change it. That’s where your friends come in who have done it before you and know you’re not afraid – you just need the info.

Here’s another idea – don’t stop at business cards. Make postcards that are super cute and give some kind of free info on them while having your fancy URL all over the place. Yeah, I’m looking at you who plan to go to Haven and BlogHer12. Have business cards and cute little postcards that leave a little something of you with your new blogging buddies.

You could make a postcard that had your Linky Drinky Party info on it to invite them to link up. You could have a funny picture of yourself with your new fancy URL. Yes, I’m talking to you, HouseTalkN.com.

I know you’re not afraid.

So, what else do you need to know or what contacts or ideas do you need to start your engine?

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1. Ladies Who Launch

What would you do if your mom started asking you about her vagina? WHAT? I know, right?! That was one of the questions that I received and had to ponder. I added that “What about that Mommy Blogger” comment with a giggle for all you mom bloggers I’m now reading. I say share away!

Here’s the question. I edited out the more intimate parts.

Hi!  Love the dance video – love that you wear your housecoat so righteously. I have a question for question day, but I can’t find the question box so I’m just going to put it here, is that okay?  That wasn’t the question, this is the question: Is it okay to talk with my mama about her vagina?

It’s a vagina question.

It seems like you are close with your mom from the videos ya’ll have done together, and I am too, and there is definitely some codependency going on, but my mother is having a problem with her vagina now after years of celibacy and she talks with me about it.  She has a friends with benefits situation now and I have to say it is a bit of an uncomfortable conversation to have with your mother, but do you think it is unhealthy?  As in, too weird to be doing?

Here’s My Answer:

This was a good one. I had to Vlog it.

Look at that face! Hahaha

This is the book I recommend:

Women, Sex, and Addiction: A Search for Love and Power

And of course my mom’s book if you want to really have a laugh. Or even better, share my mom’s book with your mom! I can only imagine the trouble they’ll get into.

Emails From My Mom: too funny not to forward

The Dance Dare Video this kind question giver referenced loving is here – DANCE DARE VIDEO!  Watch that and don’t forget to join us the first Monday in May for BloggersDance!

Now, how about a comment?

Is your mom crazy? Or is she crazy in a good way crazy?

Related posts:

1. International Women’s Day
2. Evolution of the Blogger

Photo by Xedos4 @ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My mom used to work as a psychic on one of the psychic networks (Yes, I know my life is a TV show) and the most common questions she received from the overpaying callers in need were about Love or Money.

The ones I get are mainly about Healing, Love and Money.  Maybe people don’t call the psychic 900 numbers looking for healing.

This week I compiled a few questions I’ve received about love.

Hope you love the answers!

Questions:

• How do I find a safe relationship?
• I’m scared of having a relationship. Are you in a good one?
• How do you have such a healthy happy relationship?

Answers:

Photo from Photostock @ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I have to say, being in a healthy happy fun relationship myself, that I totally disagree with those comments.  It takes PLAY.  That’s right. To have a great, happy, healthy relationship that’s fun and fulfilling – it takes PLAY!

I’ve asked couples I know who have been together for eons and still hold hands and still kiss how they stayed together too and you know what they said?  You guessed it – play.  They play together.  One of the gentleman, who is one of the men I respect most in the world said, “Darling, we are always five years old.  We play. That keeps you young and keep the romance alive.”  He is also sits across the table from his wife (who he has been married to for 45 years btw) and says, “You are a magnificent woman, dear.”

The best relationship I’ve had in my life (which I am thankfully in now and you should read the last chapter of Will Date 4 Food) is so fun that I totally forgot all about those “work” warnings. We PLAY at everything from cooking to walking the dog to taking the trash out.  As my mother says (and she’s been in a few relationships herself) it’s not about those passionate drive-you-crazy with lust moments that keep you going – it’s about day-to-day living.  I don’t know about you, but I like my day-to-day living to have more play than work!

But your question is how you find that and it makes me think of my mother at the psychic network actually!  She had three questions she asked back to the callers that, though I’m not into calling 900 numbers, I think is the best thing she did for them.  She asked those asking about Love to ask themselves three questions:

1. Are you a better, happy person in their presence?
2. Do they do what they say they’re going to do?
3. Can you be yourself 100% around them?

If you answer No to any of those questions, the relationship is probably not one you want to be in really.  That includes friendships.  Let’s go over the questions.

Number one, are you a better happy person in their presence?  Meaning do you change when you’re around them? Do you “behave” or get really quiet or do things that don’t fit your character?  Your answer then would be no.  But if they lift you up, make you giddy and kinder with yourself and others, your answer is Yes.

Number two, do they do what they say there’re going to do?  Meaning do you trust them?  Are they a lying sack of BS?  Do they make a lot of promises and not fulfill them?  Then your answer is No.  But if you can count on them, if they are honest, if you may not agree on things but they will talk to you about it and are available and reliable, your answer is Yes.  If that is the person you can call when you’re sick, stranded, broken up, down, or in need, then your answer is Yes!

Number three, can you be yourself 100% around them?  This is kind of like number one but so important that it gets its own number.  If you can’t fully be yourself, you will not be happy in the long run.  Meaning, can you talk about the things you really want to talk about?  Can you reveal your inner most dreams and fears?  Can you fart? I’m serious.  Can you be sick and unattractive as well as your lovely self?  Can you play dress up and act like a loon and dance to silly music and not be ridiculed?  Then your answer is Yes!

In the relationships I had to “work” on, I could not be myself, I did not really truly trust them and I clammed up around them.  In the happy relationship, I smile and laugh a lot more, I can count on him more than anyone I’ve ever met and I can dance around like a loon to silly music – and he joins in!

So to answer your questions, I suggest you ask yourself those three questions about the relationships you are in and as you are trying to find a relationship that is a good fit for you – be a Yes answer for yourself first.  Be a better, happy person that is accountable, responsible and good and for crying out loud be yourself and you will attract someone that is a fit for you energetically.  It’s like magic.  And read Will Date 4 Food – it’s actually a self-help book about all of this.

Keep sending me questions and I’ll keep answering them!

Do you like my blog?  Get it to your email Inbox and respond to the email!  They all come to me and I’d love to know what more you’d like me to write about to help you live a happier, healthy, more creative life.

Related posts:

1. Don’t Squash Queens or Buy Conflict Diamonds ~ Happy Valentines Day
2. How Can You Have Healthy Sex After Horrible Experiences?

Yesterday I posted an answer to your question about Having Healthy Sex after Horrible Experiences and one of you got back to me that it helped but I missed one question.  Oops, you’re right!

Your Question:

• How do I talk to my boyfriend about my issues with sex and being triggered ?

Can’t believe I missed that one, thanks for pointing it out!  I got distracted talking about Sexy Seniors I think!

Answer:

Talking to your boyfriend, lover or husband about being triggered during anything sexual can be a daunting task.  You may think that he might leave you or be disgusted if he knows the details of what happened to you or worse, not care.  Well, first of all if he is, then he’s not the guy for you.  But I know it’s a hard subject to bring up.  I decided to yak about it on video:

If you liked this, you wil probably like the previous article – Can You Have Healthy Sex after Horrible Experiences?

There you have it. Let me know if I can help further by leaving a comment or responding to the email that comes when you get my blog posts to your inbox:

Related posts:

1. Lap Top Talk with Anne Lee from Darkness to Light
2. Tech-NO Trouble Triggers!?!
3. Lap Top Talk with My Mother

This post is for adults only. Soon, I will have a kids only site too! Patience young warrior, patience!  But I’ve been answering your questions on Tuesdays and it’s Tues so here goes.

So, you’ve been through a horrible experience sexually?  Whether it was rape, incest, assault, abuse, humiliation or extremely bad parenting many people end up having bad sex lives in their adulthood due to past experiences.  That blows.

Questions:

• Can sex be enjoyable after you’ve been raped?
• How do I talk to my boyfriend about my issues with sex and being triggered ?
• Can I ever stop having dark violent fantasies?
• How can I stop running away from my boyfriend because I really like him?  I wish it was Tues already, I need this answered like now.

Answer:

Read

Charlotte Kasl’s book Women, Sex, and Addiction: A Search for Love and Power is one of the best books I’ve ever read.  The only thing I do not like about it is the title.  I have since become friends with Charlotte and she says the same thing.  It should be called People, Sex and Addiction instead.   It is not a book you want to read without a book cover on the subway or the bus.  Cover it up!

Here’s a Great Healthy Sex Technique:

Have Fun

The best way to heal is to have fun doing it.  If you don’t have a partner you can giggle with, consider finding a new love!  If you are able to laugh during lovemaking, it not only helps ease any old pains that pop up, it makes everything more fun!  Plus, sex can be funny.  You do sometimes fart, you know.  Even Dr. Oz says that.

It Doesn’t Matter When You “Do It”

Sexy Seniors

My mom is 65 years old and having the best sex of her life.  Yes, I said that.  And I didn’t give it away, believe me she tells me via her emails about her super healthy and mind blowing orgasms.  WHAT??   Yes, my mother tells me everything after she says something like “is this too much?”   Just wait until I start reading Emails From My Mother, Too Funny Not To Forward!   I’ve had permission to share them, so don’t worry.  I can’t wait and will probably do it next month.  They make me pee on myself they are so funny.

The point is that you should not give yourself an age limit to heal, try something new or to move on from your past – ever!  I don’t care what you’ve been through (well, I do care but you know what I mean).  It’s time for healing and nothing irritates me more than someone having a horrible sex life, or none at all, because of some jerk or jerks.  Screw them!  Well, actually don’t screw them if they screwed you up!  Forget them, heal from the pain, move on and reclaim your life and your bed!  You deserve it.  Don’t let them take your bed away too. Jerks.  It is perfectly okay, natural, fulfilling and spiritually liberating to have a great sex life.

I missed a question!  Oops, I posted it on How To Talk to Your Boyfriend! 

If you like what I’m saying click below and share it on Stumble or FB or Tweet it and sign up to get my blog posts to your email. It’s fun.

What do you do on the full moon? Some hide, some howl and some have parties!

Here is a video of a Full Moon Party:

It is 15 min long, but it’s funny and informative. You have been warned.

You can download a Commitment Page for FREE to have your own moon parties.

Does Manifesting Work?

Try it and you tell me. Does simply writing down things on paper and burning them create what you want in your life? Probably not. It is all about the intention. When you put your intention out there, especially on paper, it is much like saying a prayer or doing a meditation on it. It is through the focus that you can manifest. All the extra things, like the pages, the fire pit, even the silly glasses we wear in the video, are part of having a ritual. Rituals can be fun and empowering. (NOT those freaky rituals that creeps do! Reclaim the art of ritual, make your own.) Having a ritual is just having a ceremony and by doing that with others, you are able to bond and help each other keep your commitments.  Women empowering women.

It doesn’t have to be the full moon either to have a party to empower your fellow females.  You can make up a day!  Tuesdays at 4pm? Every other Sunday maybe?  Make a commitment to make a commitment to yourself.  And playing dress up is always fun too!

What are you doing to manifest?

Get my Blog posts to your email. I personally send them out so you don’t miss anything.

I just connected with an amazing woman and author.  Her name is Kaia Hollan Van Zandt. She wrote Written In the Ashes and self-published it. (What was I just writing about on my blog about publishing your book, hmmmm….) How does an unknown novelist get her book published by an Academy Award Winning Producer? She tells you herself on her website.  Read this article.

Poke around her website.  She’s awesome. http://www.kaiavanzandt.com/

BOOK SIGNING

WRITTEN IN THE ASHES is an epic tale about the powerful women in the ancient world of Greece and Egypt. Wondering how the most famed library of all time burned? There is a book signing tomorrow in Venice, CA!  Please go. I would be there with bells on but I am in New York at the moment.  If you have skype on your cell, skype me while you’re there.

Wednesday, October 5 ·  7:00pm - 9:00pm Mystic Journey Bookstore

1319 Abbot Kinney Blvd. 90291

Venice, CA
Please go to Mystic Journey Bookstore tomorrow night for wine and cheese and a reading with some Q&A with the author, Kaia.
Here’s her Facebook Page. Buy the book on Amazon if you can’t make the signing.  I did!
I can’t wait.  I’m starting to read it tonight.  Yay Kaia!

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1. Victims Rights Rally Tomorrow!!
2. My book in Seattle Poetry Slam
3. My book is out there

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Will Date 4 Food is my latest comedy.  It’a a book (and a movie)

It all started with Online Dating and Restaurant Guide (for girls who can’t afford to eat out).

on the new Will Date 4 Food website.

• Please Like us on Facebook!
• facebook.com/willdateforfood

Are You Hungry?

Whether you think this site is funny or you’ve had to date for food too, we have awesome T-shirts, mugs and even a thermos food jar for when you need take-out!

The  book will hopefully be out by Christmas or maybe Valentine’s Day.  You know me, I will keep you posted.  The movie is having a table reading in LA and I will also keep you posted on that.  In the meantime, please follow the site http://willdate4food.com/ as I share the dates and how-tos.  It’s a comedy, people, but sometimes you really are just hungry.

Here’s to comedy!

Next I’ll be sharing about my book series, The Adventures of Tilda Pinkerton.  I tell ya, you break a leg and you sure get a lot of writing done!

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The backlog of untested rape kits causes continuous outcry among women’s advocates. Wendy Murphy says this focuses on the wrong issue because most rape cases are about consent, not who did it.

(WOMENSENEWS)–Throughout the country we hear constant outcry about DNA rape kits that never get tested.

Women’s eNews has run commentaries about this supposed outrage and just two weeks ago The New York Times reported on a presumably shocking stockpile of untested kits in Texas. A couple of years ago, New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof compared the problem to something more likely to occur in Afghanistan than the United States, which turned up the clamor about untested kits.

Hold on.

The U.S. legal system may be embarrassingly bad at providing meaningful redress for rape victims, but untested DNA kits are not the problem. To the contrary. Public attention to the untested kits makes the problem of systemic injustice worse because it saps precious resources and distracts us from the real issues.

DNA testing is not only a red herring wrapped up in a Trojan horse, it’s a gigantic neon whale, stuffed inside a Trojan elephant-in-the-room.

Rape kits may be stacked up in criminal evidence closets all over the country, but not because there isn’t enough money or political will to demand testing. It’s because as many as 90 percent of the kits contain evidence that is, at most, irrelevant.

Eighty-five percent of victims know their attackers and the defense is focused on consent, not whether the act occurred. In such cases, DNA tells us nothing about the issue in dispute. A rape kit could contain the DNA of three men, five sheep and the Loch Ness monster, and it would have nothing to do with whether the victim consented to sex on the night in question.

Ugly Legal History

The United States has an ugly, historic and pervasive habit of prosecuting a far greater percentage of theft crimes than sex crimes, and punishing thieves more harshly than rapists, which partly explains why rape is the least reported of all crimes. Why would any woman bother to call police when studies show that victims are often blamed for the man’s crime and only 2 percent of rapists spend even one day behind bars?

But that problem isn’t caused by the failure to conduct expensive tests on tens of thousands of untested rape kits. It’s that we live in a culture where women’s bodies and rights are disrespected by violent men and have a legal system that refuses to hold them accountable.

This well-known concern notwithstanding, it’s hard to find a newspaper or advocacy organization that hasn’t written, instead, about the need to test “all” old rape kits.

Human Rights Watch at one point found that over 12,000 kits in California went untested for years.

Kristof and others seized on this for outpourings of outrage.

But 90 percent of those 12,000 cases involve victims and perpetrators who know each other. That means only about 1200 kits should even be considered for testing. Of those, there’s a good chance a majority will be rejected for testing because studies have long shown that many rapists do not ejaculate.

If we tested only the small minority of cases where DNA might actually help elucidate the truth–or where the offender is unknown–we’d have a much smaller backlog of kits stacked up. This targeted use of resources would, in turn, free up funds for expedited processing in the stranger rape cases where DNA is critically important.

|More

Violations of Privacy

If wasting money were the only problem, I might not be so cranky.

But conducting needless tests on already traumatized victims causes gratuitous violations of privacy and due process rights; not only for victims but also for their consensual sex partners, who can get dragged into these cases.

The government has no authority to conduct invasive tests on a victim’s constitutionally-protected bodily fluids unless such tests are ordered by a judge after a hearing where the tests are deemed necessary to resolve an issue legitimately in dispute at trial. Since almost all rape cases involve a consent defense, few of these hearings will take place, and even fewer will be successful. As it should be.

The way it works now is not only backward, it’s nutty. Medical professionals working as agents of the government inject medical implements into the victim’s body cavities and take samples of deeply personal biological material.

The victim typically signs a document indicating she consents to the intrusion, but she has no knowledge at that time that the examiner may uncover information about her–such as HIV status and DNA from consensual sex partners–and that this material will unfairly be shared with the defense, used against her at trial and revealed in public documents and in open court.

There is no “knowing, intelligent and voluntary” consent to the testing because she has not been provided with a full understanding of the consequences of her consent. There is no due process or court hearing to ensure that only truly relevant and material evidence is obtained. No warrants are issued. Nothing. It’s like the police entering your home without a warrant and conducting a search of your medicine cabinet after you agree to let them in because they told you they’re looking for an escaped murderer.

Bottom line: If there’s a rape kit sitting on a shelf, chances are it’s not proof of some grave injustice, but rather, evidence that a victim’s privacy rights are intact.

Wendy Murphy is an adjunct professor at New England Law/Boston where she teaches a seminar on sexual violence. She’s a former sex crimes prosecutor and author of “And Justice For Some.” An impact litigator who specializes in violence against women, Murphy consults and lectures widely on sex crimes, violence against women and children and criminal justice policy.

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2. Male Rape Victims charged with Homosexuality??
3. Propping Up Rape Victims in Insincere Distraction in TSA Debate