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My mom used to work as a psychic on one of the psychic networks (Yes, I know my life is a TV show) and the most common questions she received from the overpaying callers in need were about Love or Money.

The ones I get are mainly about Healing, Love and Money.  Maybe people don’t call the psychic 900 numbers looking for healing.

This week I compiled a few questions I’ve received about love.

Hope you love the answers!

Questions:

• How do I find a safe relationship?
• I’m scared of having a relationship. Are you in a good one?
• How do you have such a healthy happy relationship?

Answers:

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I have to say, being in a healthy happy fun relationship myself, that I totally disagree with those comments.  It takes PLAY.  That’s right. To have a great, happy, healthy relationship that’s fun and fulfilling – it takes PLAY!

I’ve asked couples I know who have been together for eons and still hold hands and still kiss how they stayed together too and you know what they said?  You guessed it – play.  They play together.  One of the gentleman, who is one of the men I respect most in the world said, “Darling, we are always five years old.  We play. That keeps you young and keep the romance alive.”  He is also sits across the table from his wife (who he has been married to for 45 years btw) and says, “You are a magnificent woman, dear.”

The best relationship I’ve had in my life (which I am thankfully in now and you should read the last chapter of Will Date 4 Food) is so fun that I totally forgot all about those “work” warnings. We PLAY at everything from cooking to walking the dog to taking the trash out.  As my mother says (and she’s been in a few relationships herself) it’s not about those passionate drive-you-crazy with lust moments that keep you going – it’s about day-to-day living.  I don’t know about you, but I like my day-to-day living to have more play than work!

But your question is how you find that and it makes me think of my mother at the psychic network actually!  She had three questions she asked back to the callers that, though I’m not into calling 900 numbers, I think is the best thing she did for them.  She asked those asking about Love to ask themselves three questions:

1. Are you a better, happy person in their presence?
2. Do they do what they say they’re going to do?
3. Can you be yourself 100% around them?

If you answer No to any of those questions, the relationship is probably not one you want to be in really.  That includes friendships.  Let’s go over the questions.

Number one, are you a better happy person in their presence?  Meaning do you change when you’re around them? Do you “behave” or get really quiet or do things that don’t fit your character?  Your answer then would be no.  But if they lift you up, make you giddy and kinder with yourself and others, your answer is Yes.

Number two, do they do what they say there’re going to do?  Meaning do you trust them?  Are they a lying sack of BS?  Do they make a lot of promises and not fulfill them?  Then your answer is No.  But if you can count on them, if they are honest, if you may not agree on things but they will talk to you about it and are available and reliable, your answer is Yes.  If that is the person you can call when you’re sick, stranded, broken up, down, or in need, then your answer is Yes!

Number three, can you be yourself 100% around them?  This is kind of like number one but so important that it gets its own number.  If you can’t fully be yourself, you will not be happy in the long run.  Meaning, can you talk about the things you really want to talk about?  Can you reveal your inner most dreams and fears?  Can you fart? I’m serious.  Can you be sick and unattractive as well as your lovely self?  Can you play dress up and act like a loon and dance to silly music and not be ridiculed?  Then your answer is Yes!

In the relationships I had to “work” on, I could not be myself, I did not really truly trust them and I clammed up around them.  In the happy relationship, I smile and laugh a lot more, I can count on him more than anyone I’ve ever met and I can dance around like a loon to silly music – and he joins in!

So to answer your questions, I suggest you ask yourself those three questions about the relationships you are in and as you are trying to find a relationship that is a good fit for you – be a Yes answer for yourself first.  Be a better, happy person that is accountable, responsible and good and for crying out loud be yourself and you will attract someone that is a fit for you energetically.  It’s like magic.  And read Will Date 4 Food – it’s actually a self-help book about all of this.

Keep sending me questions and I’ll keep answering them!

Do you like my blog?  Get it to your email Inbox and respond to the email!  They all come to me and I’d love to know what more you’d like me to write about to help you live a happier, healthy, more creative life.

Yesterday I posted an answer to your question about Having Healthy Sex after Horrible Experiences and one of you got back to me that it helped but I missed one question.  Oops, you’re right!

Your Question:

• How do I talk to my boyfriend about my issues with sex and being triggered ?

Can’t believe I missed that one, thanks for pointing it out!  I got distracted talking about Sexy Seniors I think!

Answer:

Talking to your boyfriend, lover or husband about being triggered during anything sexual can be a daunting task.  You may think that he might leave you or be disgusted if he knows the details of what happened to you or worse, not care.  Well, first of all if he is, then he’s not the guy for you.  But I know it’s a hard subject to bring up.  I decided to yak about it on video:

If you liked this, you wil probably like the previous article – Can You Have Healthy Sex after Horrible Experiences?

There you have it. Let me know if I can help further by leaving a comment or responding to the email that comes when you get my blog posts to your inbox:

This post is for adults only. Soon, I will have a kids only site too! Patience young warrior, patience!  But I’ve been answering your questions on Tuesdays and it’s Tues so here goes.

So, you’ve been through a horrible experience sexually?  Whether it was rape, incest, assault, abuse, humiliation or extremely bad parenting many people end up having bad sex lives in their adulthood due to past experiences.  That blows.

Questions:

• Can sex be enjoyable after you’ve been raped?
• How do I talk to my boyfriend about my issues with sex and being triggered ?
• Can I ever stop having dark violent fantasies?
• How can I stop running away from my boyfriend because I really like him?  I wish it was Tues already, I need this answered like now.

Answer:

Read

Charlotte Kasl’s book Women, Sex, and Addiction: A Search for Love and Power is one of the best books I’ve ever read.  The only thing I do not like about it is the title.  I have since become friends with Charlotte and she says the same thing.  It should be called People, Sex and Addiction instead.   It is not a book you want to read without a book cover on the subway or the bus.  Cover it up!

Here’s a Great Healthy Sex Technique:

Have Fun

The best way to heal is to have fun doing it.  If you don’t have a partner you can giggle with, consider finding a new love!  If you are able to laugh during lovemaking, it not only helps ease any old pains that pop up, it makes everything more fun!  Plus, sex can be funny.  You do sometimes fart, you know.  Even Dr. Oz says that.

It Doesn’t Matter When You “Do It”

Sexy Seniors

My mom is 65 years old and having the best sex of her life.  Yes, I said that.  And I didn’t give it away, believe me she tells me via her emails about her super healthy and mind blowing orgasms.  WHAT??   Yes, my mother tells me everything after she says something like “is this too much?”   Just wait until I start reading Emails From My Mother, Too Funny Not To Forward!   I’ve had permission to share them, so don’t worry.  I can’t wait and will probably do it next month.  They make me pee on myself they are so funny.

The point is that you should not give yourself an age limit to heal, try something new or to move on from your past – ever!  I don’t care what you’ve been through (well, I do care but you know what I mean).  It’s time for healing and nothing irritates me more than someone having a horrible sex life, or none at all, because of some jerk or jerks.  Screw them!  Well, actually don’t screw them if they screwed you up!  Forget them, heal from the pain, move on and reclaim your life and your bed!  You deserve it.  Don’t let them take your bed away too. Jerks.  It is perfectly okay, natural, fulfilling and spiritually liberating to have a great sex life.

I missed a question!  Oops, I posted it on How To Talk to Your Boyfriend! 

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What do you do on the full moon? Some hide, some howl and some have parties!

Here is a video of a Full Moon Party:

It is 15 min long, but it’s funny and informative. You have been warned.

You can download a Commitment Page for FREE to have your own moon parties.

Does Manifesting Work?

Try it and you tell me. Does simply writing down things on paper and burning them create what you want in your life? Probably not. It is all about the intention. When you put your intention out there, especially on paper, it is much like saying a prayer or doing a meditation on it. It is through the focus that you can manifest. All the extra things, like the pages, the fire pit, even the silly glasses we wear in the video, are part of having a ritual. Rituals can be fun and empowering. (NOT those freaky rituals that creeps do! Reclaim the art of ritual, make your own.) Having a ritual is just having a ceremony and by doing that with others, you are able to bond and help each other keep your commitments.  Women empowering women.

It doesn’t have to be the full moon either to have a party to empower your fellow females.  You can make up a day!  Tuesdays at 4pm? Every other Sunday maybe?  Make a commitment to make a commitment to yourself.  And playing dress up is always fun too!

What are you doing to manifest?

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Will Date 4 Food is my latest comedy.  It’a a book (and a movie)

It all started with Online Dating and Restaurant Guide (for girls who can’t afford to eat out).

on the new Will Date 4 Food website.

• Please Like us on Facebook!
• facebook.com/willdateforfood

Are You Hungry?

Whether you think this site is funny or you’ve had to date for food too, we have awesome T-shirts, mugs and even a thermos food jar for when you need take-out!

The  book will hopefully be out by Christmas or maybe Valentine’s Day.  You know me, I will keep you posted.  The movie is having a table reading in LA and I will also keep you posted on that.  In the meantime, please follow the site http://willdate4food.com/ as I share the dates and how-tos.  It’s a comedy, people, but sometimes you really are just hungry.

Here’s to comedy!

Next I’ll be sharing about my book series, The Adventures of Tilda Pinkerton.  I tell ya, you break a leg and you sure get a lot of writing done!

Mary Kelly is one of the best mentors I ever had.  There’s a lot of talk about money now, learning about it, saving it, downsizing etc.  I follow @Lotay on Twitter and he’s blogging about money too on his Introduction to Wealth.

I learned the most about money when I had the great opportunity to be coached and consulted by Mary Kelly Consulting so I had to share this video of a call I had with her when I was Stirring Up Trouble.

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Mary has four main steps to taking action around money:

1. Get Interested

Get interested in your finances, what you’re worth, what you’re doing with your money and how you can make and save more.  When you see that it’s you who is going to save you, it can become pretty clear.   Sometimes money gives people panic attacks just thinking about it, but once you get past the fear, it can be fun.  Really.

2. Tell the Truth

That’s a hard one when you have to face a pile of debt, the starving artist boyfriend, and maybe the fact that you’re totally co-dependent.  Oops. I wrote about making an excel sheet of all you make, owe and pay out in the Downsizing post.

3. Get Educated

Mary says that more men learn about money than women, but when you look at all that women do during their multi-tasking they could easily add “Learn about Money” to the list.  Here are some book Mary recommends:

Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny

The Road to Wealth Revised

Suze Orman’s Action Plan: New Rules for New Times

4.  Take Action

Mary repeats over and over that to take action, you have to reduce and eventually eliminate debt and save money.  There are ways on the Downsizing post.

Ah, money.   After traveling with my doc I’ve seen many people in crisis and panic and along with the self-abuse, self-hatred, health problems and repeated trauma is financial crisis.   There’s plenty of healing information and resources on The Survivor Manual, now how about healing on every level, including your wallet?

As many of you who know me already know, I love my cups.

For those who have gotten bitten by the cup bug, the company is having a video shoot this Saturday in the Los Angeles area.

Softcup is giving you the opportunity to be in their new customer video. They will provide lunch, free Softcups and goody bags for anyone willing to hop in front of the camera and rave about the Softcup! I’d so be there myself if I was going to be in LA. It’s my birthday weekend too, I’d love some Softcups!!

They want Softcup fans of all backgrounds, shapes, sizes and personalities, so that means YOU!

RSVP if you’re interested in participating.

Even if you aren’t in LA or can’t make it to the shoot, I recommend that you try this cup if you haven’t.  It is so great.  And PS you can also use when you’re not on your period and you’re trying to get pregnant.  Bonus.  Just put on in afterward…  Tricks and treats of the great cup.

Have you ever had someone tell you that they “just know” what you should be doing with your life?  They say they have a feeling, a hit, an intuition about what you should or should not do with your career, love life or relationships.   I’ve heard some crazy stories of sociopaths gaining control over people that way.  I had an experience with a guy who said he had my entire life figured out.

“You shouldn’t marry that guy.  He’s not the right guy for you,” he said and then gave a long dramatic pause while I let that sink in.  I wasn’t letting anything sink in, I was wondering what in the world he was talking about and then realized I had on the ring that I wrote about. Ah, dude, I bought this myself to make a point. But I didn’t say anything and just let him continue.

“I’m intuitive and I can tell you right now that I’m getting the nudge to warn you not to marry this guy. He’s not right for you.  Now, I can talk to you and be there for you. You need someone who is spiritually connected.”  Then he proceeded to get angry.  “I know you’re just with this guy for his money (cue my inner belly laugh), but he’s not right for you.  You know, the thing is, is that you don’t know what’s right for you.  You’re not listening to your inner gut because you don’t know how to.  You need to listen to what I’m saying.  You don’t know what you need.  You’re confused about everything and need some guidance. You know, I do mentor people.  I can tell you right now that I have very strong intuition that you should not marry this guy. He will just take you and not let you be yourself anymore. He will lock you away (ah, you talking about yourself buddy?), he will not let you shine. I will let you shine.”

Some intuition dude.  This isn’t even a real diamond.

It made me think of the stud Dimitri and his “knowledge” about women:

All I can say is listen to your own intuition, love up on the healthy people in your life and send them thank you cards.  Take notes when crazy stuff like this happens because it can sure inspire a giggle, or at least some amazement about crazy people.

For those who have followed my talks at the 140 conferences and at various crisis centers, or read the last chapter of my re-covered book, you know the story of “the two.”

Here is the most recent announcement I made about it for those who haven’t seen it:

Well, this past week “the two” were reunited.  I’ve heard many things about reunification with perpeperpetrators and victims, so called “reuniting the family.” I personally do not support those kinds of family values when you put the offender back into the home.

When my two friends were reunited, I thought, wow, here’s a whole new definition of reunification to take back that word.  My two friends were trafficked together in child slavery so when they met, they went on a road trip to take back road trips.  They have been taking back their lives for years so I wanted to introduce them.  I thought that they could have a much more in depth dialog about the abuse they had gone through than I could, having not been through child slavery myself.  I had no idea they would recognize each other.  I had no idea they would know each other as children. I had no idea they would have been in the same truck. Now, they are taking back much more than road trips, they are taking back their Light and wow do they shine!

Words cannot express the beauty of what me and a group of women got to witness this past week when we saw the two of them together.  Coming from the wicked horrible past of child slavery and being reunited after years of separation was not sad, it was powerful, lovely and delicate all at the same time. It made me utterly speechless – which is hard to do!

They requested that their identity be kept anonymous but here is a picture of their meeting.  I am eternally moved by the fact that the simple task of starting a conversation with strangers led to meeting life long friends that led to introducing two amazing bright lights that now shine even brighter.  I love you, squish.

Wow is all I can say.  I’m in awe.