Happy Tuesday!

Looks like I’ve been posting once a week instead of once a day lately. I’ve been busy wedding planning. (cue lots of YAYS!) I told you I’d answer questions, share comments and take requests on Tuesdays so dress shopping is on hold today. Although we do have the band and the food lined up.

Your Comments, Questions & Requests:

Hello from you line buddies at Slamdance–Ed and Nancy Zawada and family.

‘It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.’ Made me cry. I love it.

I like the playfulness the best, its fun, interactive.

Thanks for the sanely private yet happy wedding blog- best wishes!

I need healing help!

Aren’t you sick of talking about abuse?  I feel like I’ve moved past it and want to hear more fun things now. Can’t wait for Tilda!

My Answers and Comments:

Hello to my line buddies!  For the rest of you, what in the world does that mean? Well, when you’re at a film festival the best place to meet interesting people is in line or talking to the people sitting next to you in the film (while the film is NOT playing).

I was just at Slamdance and Sundance and saw movies at both festivals and that tip remains true – I met Ed and Nancy in line and ran into them repeatedly throughout the festival.

I’ve spoken extensively about the power of staring conversations, especially with people you don’t know.  It’s amazing what you learn.  In the 30 Day Healing Journey I created (yes, for you), many of the activities center around starting conversations.

By the way I just started talking with one of the men working on our house after he asked about my doc. And guess what?  His ex was a victim of CSA (child sexual abuse) and it ended up ruining their marriage when she would not even consider healing.  Powerful stuff – conversations.

Of course conversations don’t always have to bring up trauma (unless you start talking about my doc!).  At the festival, I also sat next to a lovely lady who happened to be the mother of a woman who has a PHD in children’s literature.  I told her about Tilda Pinkerton and we ended up having a fantastic conversation that was very helpful for the teacher’s guide that 2 elementary school teachers are helping me with for Tilda Pinkerton’s Magical Hats.  Awesome!

Playfulness!

Speaking of starting conversations, thank you so much for starting ones with me!  I love it when you comment on that little pop up questionnaire on my site.  I know, for those who visit my site often it may annoy you and you click it away but it is very helpful to me to hear from you.  Plus, sometimes it just makes my day when you share your comments like the ones above.

I too love “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood” and I believe it and live it too!

I’m exstactic that you enjoy the playfulness on my site.  Thank you!  Your comment came right after a rather nasty one about how I’m too playful and goof off too much. Ha!  Oh well. Even though I have realized that when people say hateful things, it is usually all about themselves, it sure it nice to hear the exact opposite.

Thank you for your wedding wishes too!  I shared what I could share and still remain private in that post, and I’ll share more later.

Healing Help

First of all the healing questions could not fit on just one line.  I condensed it for you.  One of them was about two pages long, followed by another one that was of equal length and another that was in panic mode.  I read them and I feel your pain, and because your stories are so triggering, I will not repost them on here, but I will answer as best I can.

I’d really love you to read How Do You Find Closure.  There are other articles, healing techniques and resources on my Healing Page.

Many times when we live through a traumatic experience, until we find our healing path, we will repeat whatever cycle of abuse we started in.  You may marry an abuser like one of your parents was.  You may find yourself with a long list of attacks or abusive situations in your life.  It is like a hamster wheel and until you see that you’re on it, it’s hard to get off of it.   Please go through the Be Your Own Hero Workbook with a therapist, support group or someone you trust. I wrote it for you going through these very things.  It works.  Work it.

That 118 page workbook continues to sell more than my documentary.  Why? Because it works!

I tried to set up an affilate program for those who share it too, so not only do you share the healing, you share the profits.  But the html code was too complicated and created way too many issues for too many of you.  I know – it’s annoying!  But while I was in Park City at the festivals, I met the creators of Monkeybars!

It does exactly what I wanted to do – allows you to share whatever books, movies or art I put up there and allows me to chose what kind of % I give to you to make from the profit.  Genius!

What in the world does profit have to do with healing?  Well, after years of studying trauma I saw that the three most common affects of abuse were:  Mental Issues Health Problems & Financial Crisis 

So the Workbook helps with the mental issues, allows you to see and work on the health problems and by sharing the profits, it can also help with the finances.  50% of 9.99 won’t pay the rent, but it may feed you – you never know!  The most important thing is that those who haven’t done the work, find the book and those who have, share it!  You just sign up (for free) for a Monkeybars account and when you share the various things you like and someone buys it, you get a piece of the sale.  Nice!  There are many besides me and if you’re an artist, writer or musician - try it yourself!

That’s my Monkeybars plug!

Share the workbook on MonkeyBars –> 

Moving On

Yay for you moving on!  It’s fun, isn’t it?

I’ll admit there are times when I’m like oh my God do we have to talk about CSA?  Isn’t it about time we stopped talking about it for one second?  Then I go on the porch with one of the guys working on our house to talk about his grandmother and then his ex-wife and hear yet another story about a whole family in great pain.

So no, the conversations will probably never end.  But I’ve learned to relate differently to those just beginning their healing journey.  I no longer take it in and get sick. Yes, I did that.  I don’t have people escaping an abuser move into my home anymore. Yes, did that too, oops. I don’t take on the pain for people anymore. I direct people to healing paths for them to chose what works for them and I live an awesome joyful life as an example of what is possible after trudging through just plain yuk.

If you’re like I was and want to save the world by taking on people’s pain and trying to first hand fixed all their issues –  Listen up!  - You’re of better service by listening and then living an awesome life yourself.  Leading by example is far more powerful than falling back into the well of hell to try to help someone out of their pattern. It’s like trying to help someone who is drowning; if you’re not careful, they can pull you under too!  It’s better to shine your light as bright as you can so they can see it.

There will always be people just beginning their journey.  There will also sadly be the trolls and zombies who hate you for moving on because they refuse to get on the healing path.  There will be people who haven’t turned the corner in their healing yet and can’t see a way out and are mad at you for finding it.  And there will always be those who see you and are inspired to break old patterns in their lives and move on too.  You may never hear from them or you may get anonymous little thank yous, but I assure you that you are affecting the world in a positive way.  I see it all the time and I see it a lot more often then the grumbling trolls too!

And guess what?  As you move on, you will begin to start conversations with people who have also moved on.  That’s when you begin to find out new avenues, not out of pain (we’ve done that) but new ways to live an even happier joyful life.   That is part of the journey too. If you don’t believe me, begin yours.

It’s never too late to have a happy childhood!

(and I can’t wait for Tilda either!  She’s coming soon.  It’s a long journey from the Sombrero Galaxy!)

Happy Tues! Today’s question is about acting! Yay!

 Question:

Could I ask as an actor, what training would you recommend. I am currently following Michael Chekhov. He was an outstanding student of Stanislavski and I’ve heard a lot of good things about it from acting teachers, even those who don’t know it well enough to teach it themselves. I’ve taken a series of classes with Sybil Lines who teaches a course called “Shakespeare from the Loins.” She works to make you realize just who these characters are and the language comes alive with the actor.

 Answer:

Because we are at the Sundance Film Festival, I shot a video answer instead!

Happy acting and may you always be finding new ways to evolve as an artist!

I am here at the Sundance and Slamdance Film Festivals and had to share the most precious movie I’ve seen so far.  This is a film that is not pushing an agenda, not promoting a cause or trying to freak you out – it is simply a precious love story that makes you smile.

Heavy Girls

I absolutely loved this movie!  I loved the message, the love story, the music, the sweetness and the overall joy emanating from this film. If you are near a town where it is playing, I highly recommend seeing it.

It is amazing to me how some (okay, a lot) of indie movies push the envelope with things that mainstream does not.  Sometimes the choices indie filmmakers make are awesome. They make you think.  They can point out issues. They are ‘in your face.’  And sometimes, they are very disturbing.

But sometimes, the filmmaker simply sends you on a lovely journey that is so simple and so wonderful that it never would have been funded by a mainstream studio because it’s just a small simple story.

Though the film is small, the love in Heavy Girls is HUGE.

I saw another film that instead of being a lovely ride like Heavy Girls, was a rollercoaster of awkwardness. It had so much nudity I wanted to throw up.  Not that nudity is bad, it was just that the naked scenes of the lead girl, outside of one or maybe two, had nothing to do with the story.

The naked scene in Heavy Girls (in the above trailer too) where the guys run into a lake is so precious because the process of them getting naked is not gratuitous, it is adorable and is a huge part of the story.  You are watching a precious vulnerable moment. There is no sex scene, you don’t have to watch any “action”, they simply run around the lake like little boys.  It is so cute I had this huge smile on my face watching it.  It was innocent and sweet – just like the whole film.

Heavy Girls is one of those indie movies that makes me proud of being a filmmaker and writer.  I hope you get to see it.

Every so often I open my blog up to guest posts. Today I am so happy to have Sylvia Johnson, a longtime friend of mine, share a beautiful piece she wrote. Enjoy

They say Necessity is the Mother of Invention.

So, while stuck in traffic today, I began to wonder about the rest of the family:
It’s not clear who the father of Invention is.
Necessity might be a single mom.
It’s possible that Boredom is the father,
although the two never married,
as Boredom was unable to make a long-term commitment.
Invention’s children (so far) include Productivity and Creative Expression.
Invention hopes to one day be the proud grandparent of Confidence, Stability and Independence.
Occasionally Invention hooks up with Happiness.
Distant cousins, Depression and Anxiety eventually moved far away,
never to be heard from again.
Nobody knows what became of Loneliness,
though it’s rumored that Loneliness ended up with Depression and Anxiety,
wherever they are.

Sylvia Johnson

I have known Sylvia for many years. In fact she went on the long winding journey of Searching for Angela Shelton with me. Yes, she was in the RV! I am so proud to see she is writing and living a life she loves. Her favorite quote: The more one loves for no reason at all… the easier their life, the greater their friends, and the happier their times.

Happy Tuesday!  As you know, this is the day I’ve been answering your questions.I got quite a few similar ones this week so I edited them and lumped them together.  I will get to the others next week since these had much more gusto behind them, including emails, Facebook messages and texts.

Your questions about my marriage:

Did I hear you say marriage?

Who is this guy?

Where did you meet him?

Is he a good guy?

We want details!

Answers:

The marriage question sure is  a personal one – but I suppose this is my personal blog and I think most of you who care about me want full details (because you’ve been private messaging me)!   I will tell you from my perspective and not give you full names, dates and places since my honey can’t stand social media and is very private and has guns (God, I love him).

We met in San Diego, CA when we were 15.  We were first loves.  Yes, I am marrying my first love.

It was love at first sight and I will never forget that moment.  I was speechless as I locked eyes with the most gorgeous man I’d ever seen in my life.

We were inseparable and ridiculously in love and I mean like skipping through flower fields in love.  Then at 16, I started my modeling career and left San Diego to go to LA, then New York, then Paris, Milan, Germany and back to New York.  We lost touch quickly as I was in the whirlwind of the fashion world, but I never forgot him.  He was always the one that got away (or was left behind).

I was in other relationships, one simply because he looked so much like my first love.  And my love was in other relationships, started a career, left that career for the mountains and traveled the world.  We lived our lives. Over the years I daydreamed I’d run into him again. I even ventured to the coffee shop where we met every time I visited San Diego, hoping we’d bump into each other.

It turns out, he’d searched for me too, but when I turned 18 I changed my name to Angela Shelton because I didn’t want to carry my bio dad’s name. (Read my book to find out the full details on that one).  If he had googled “Angela Shelton” he would have discovered me easily. Instead he thought I was no where to be found on the inter-web (cue laughter).

Luckily we had a mutual friend from high school (thank you!) who knew how we still felt about each other.  We were reconnected.

From the first moment we started talking we were instantly back to that giddy feeling.  We wondered what it would be like to see each other again.  We arranged to meet to see if we still had any spark.  We met.  We did.

We’ve been together ever since.

If you read my humorous How-To book for Co-Dependents, Will Date 4 Food, I talked about my love in the last chapter.  Throughout that book I also talked about the importance of ridding yourself of the habit of being attracted to the jerk.  What can I say, my life is my teaching. Practically every chapter has tips to retrain your brain to be able to “see” the good guy.

Let me tell you something – There is nothing in the world like seeing the good guy and then marrying him.

As you may already know, I’ve hated the idea of marriage, never really respected it, been there done that, had no desire to do any such thing and voila – like magic – that all changes when you’re marrying someone you are totally in love with.

I’ve become “that girl” who flips through wedding magazines and swoons over her ring.

The best part of all is having a fun, happy, healthy and sane relationship that is not work, it’s play.

Btw, I’ve also been told by some that you keep your love quiet, you hide your ring when you go into meetings and you appear “available” to those who want you, in order to advance your career. Yes, these are things you are told in some businesses. Now, being in love and getting married and living the life I always dreamed of – I say a big fat F THAT!

I’m not going to hide the fact that my life is awesome and I’m very happy about it. If you’ve followed my work you know that there has certainly been some Pheonix rising from the ashes scenes and you know what, after you rise up, you want to fly.  And that is perfectly okay and a whole lot of fun too!

So there you have it.  That’s who I’m marrying, how we met and some details.

Want more?  Here’s my Country Wedding Vision Board since we are having a country wedding. You know, I am Southern.

If you want to know even more, read  Will Date 4 Food.  It has a happy ending.

Here’s my question — is my blog going to turn into a mommy blog?  Ha!

My mom sent me this in an email. And if you know my mom’s emails, you expect something funny, but this is quite beautiful and I could not agree more!  This is worth a watch to remind you to release judgements and blaming if you have any lingering and instead be an ambassador of loving silence.

A Reminder to Listen to Yourself

I have opened my blog up for guest bloggers. Today Wendy Murphy is sharing an article she wrote for PatriotLedger.com on January 7, 2012

Our Double-Standards Raise Lots of Questions

If you’re looking to read something hopeful about the new year, skip this column. It’s all cranky carping about things I thought about in 2011, but that never made it to a whole column.

Like why so many homeowners have Port-A-Potties on the front lawn for construction guys working inside the house. Port-A-Potties are for kids at soccer fields. If the guys take their shoes off, why can’t they use a real toilet? More people need to read “The Help”.

Some other thoughts:

Have you noticed that an awful lot of kids, mostly girls, are disappearing from their homes. If the same number of kids developed swine flu, there would be public health alerts and long lines of panicked parents at hospitals and doctors’ offices.

How come so many guys go to barrooms after work and we shrug it off as part of their workday, but if a woman drank at a bar five days a week, she’d lose custody of her kids.

Why do parents buy expensive toys for toddlers at Christmastime even though they know the kids prefer to play with the wrapping paper and boxes.

How come the obituaries page is so short right before a holiday? Is it sheer luck or are doctors keeping the plugs in a little longer when they want a few days off without interruption for those pesky deaths that happen outside regular business hours.

How come 16-year-olds who commit the crime of rape are too immature to suffer adult punishment for their crimes, but 16 year-old victims are considered plenty mature enough to consent to sex with adults.

Why do airlines in the United States bother handing out plastic utensils when international airlines still let passengers use metal? A terrorist dumb enough to think he can overtake a pilot with a butter knife and small fork will get on a plane in Germany instead of Boston.

How come when a kid refuses to go to school because he’s being bullied, school officials and the state Department of Children and Families show up and threaten to take the child away – but when a kid misses school because of a long-term illness, the same school officials act like the kid doesn’t exist?

How come the names of priests who were accused but never convicted of abusing children 40 years ago are on a public list – but the identities of sex offenders who were convicted of molesting kids during the same time period are protected by privacy/CORI laws?

How come schoolchildren have to refer to a Christmas tree as a “holiday tree”, even though it has secular origins, but the highly religious Muslim practice of fasting during Ramadan is never called a “holiday diet”?

How come criticism of Bill Clinton’s serial sexual harassment was “prudish” but criticism of Herman Cain’s similar behavior was an important news story that addressed concerns about women’s equality in the workplace?

Why do abusive men win custody of their children more often than non-abusive men?

How come schools are immune from liability if they fail to protect a student who gets beaten to a pulp during lunch recess, but they can be sued for millions if they expel the student who did the beating.

Why do so many people who go to Martin Luther King breakfasts have no black friends?

How come it’s socially offensive to express concern about Muslim extremists, but it’s socially acceptable to roll one’s eyes about Mitt Romney because of his Mormon faith?

How come so many people think that a photo of two guys kissing is disgusting – but watching two guys beat the hell out of each other live on stage is excellent entertainment?’

I’m just saying.

Wendy Murphy is a leading victims rights advocate and nationally recognized television legal analyst. She is an adjunct professor at New England Law in Boston. She can be reached at wmurphy@nesl.edu. 

What do you think?
Please add other questions to the comments.

Thanks to Wendy Murphy for reposting her articles on my blog! I am sharing quest posts now. The guidelines are on my Contact Page.

This is Q and A Day!

Thank you for sending in your questions! Last week I talked about getting a Misery Back Guarantee in life after receiving a few very self-deprecating questions. I suggested this week be questions about writing your books and you sent some in. Awesome! I’m so happy to know that you are writing.

Questions:

I have begun a book and I’ve written Chapter One.  And that seems to be as far as I can get!   How do I get past Chapter One?!

I am stuck because I do not want to hurt anyone in the past that I may have to write about to tell my story.  I guess I’m afraid to really write down the words that are true.

Answer:

First of all hooray that you are writing.  Second of all – most every writer hits that same wall. We hit it at different times.  Sometimes at the blank page, sometimes smack dab in the middle and sometimes at the end.  Whenever it hits you, it is as equally frustrating.  So, I understand!

I’m not going to label that “writer’s block” because I don’t subscribe to that belief. To do so I think is to begin to expect and fear that the horrible WB will show up which can cause you to hit a wall just worrying about it.

I think of it more like running a marathon and “hitting the wall”.  It’s that point where you think no way, I’m done, I have no idea how I’m going to continue, maybe I should just stop.  Then you get your second win and you run your little legs off.

When the wall shows up that’s usually when we as writers become expert closet cleaners or take up knitting or we suddenly have to do all the dishes, twice.  Anything but be at that computer or notepad or beautiful (and so unused) typewriter.

So, you’re not alone.  Don’t beat yourself up about it.

First I’d like to point out that whatever you decide to do instead of writing (like clean or reorganize the entire house) is a perfect opportunity to continue writing – in your head.  You can get the best ideas while doing the dishes or mowing the lawn or while stuck in traffic.

It’s also a perfect time to ask your muses what to do next.  Yes, you have muses and you can ask them what to do next.  Ask out loud as you dust that table you’ve already dusted thirty times. I’m serious.

Just ask.  ”What’s the best way to start chapter two?”  or “So, what does so-and-so need to do next?” Ask about your book and your characters and then listen.  The answers will show up.

A piece of dialog may pop into your head.  You may see the next scenes in your mind like a movie.  Someone may walk by talking to their friend and say something pertaining to your characters as if you were supposed to hear it right at that moment.  I know it sounds crazy, but the muses work in mysterious ways.

The muses gave me the idea to write Tilda Pinkerton too.

So listen and write.  Your writing angels are there to help you.

As far as being afraid of writing the truth and hurting others because of it, that leads to another question – what is true and are you intentionally making someone look bad?

If what you’re writing is true and you have back up (like legal papers) then write away.  Your publisher will send your book through legal and be sure you are not defaming anyone or getting into the murky territory of a potential lawsuit.

If you publish it yourself (8 Steps to Write and Publish Your Book), then you may want to protect yourself with E and O insurance (Errors and Omissions) or Media Perils Insurance.

It’s always best to consult an intellectual property attorney (here’s an online Q and A about it).

That said – you can also change all the names and get very creative with your book.

What if all the characters were animals?  
What if they all lived on another planet?  
What if you switched everyone’s gender?

There are many things you can do to tell your story in creative ways.  That’s the beauty of writing.  You are free to express yourself however you would like.   So ask your muses for inspiration and get to writing.

Some Books to Read:

These are great and all affiliate links too so when you buy them I get oh like two cents.

Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life

If You Want to Write: A Book about Art, Independence and Spirit

Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within (Shambhala Library)
Those are great books to read. Take a break, read, listen and then get back to writing.  Let me know how you’re doing.

How do you get past chapter one?  Please share ways in the comments to help each other.

Every so often I share recipes like the Pink Miracle and last night I created a whole lot of Green Goodness and had to share.

Image via Wikipedia

We had three avocados in perfect ripe condition that had to be eaten so three green wonders were created.

Avocado and Garlic

I recreated my favorite salad from my favorite Cuban Restaurant I used to go to almost every day for lunch in Atwater Village.

One Avocado Sliced

Half a sweet vidalia onion (they use red onions at the Cuban place)

4 Cloves of Garlic minced

Olive Oil

There you have it.  Poor a generous amount of olive oil over your minced garlic. Stir it all up and pour that “mojo de ajo” over your onion and avocado (add tomato slices if you have real tomatoes and not that awful store-bought ones).  You will smell and may get heartburn afterwards but WOW is that good going down.

Avocado and Crema

One Sliced Avocado

A dollop of Mexican crema

About a table spoon of sweetened condensed milk

a few slices of a  long green hot pepper

a pinch of habonero powder  (I got mine from Spice of Life and OMG YUM!)

This is so simple and if you like spicy, sweet, and sour all at once you will go bananas (or avocado-as).  Simply drizzle some sweetened condensed milk (or pour generously) over your sliced green beauty.  Add a dollop of Mexican crema (better than sour cream).  Place slices of hot green pepper over it to make it look pretty and sprinkle the habonero powder on top (use cayenne if you don’t have that lovely green powder).  Eat it and wait for the party in your mouth.

Avocado Ice Cream

Yes, you read that correctly and OMG WOW is it good.

One Avocado

1-2 scoops coconut ice cream

a long slow pour of sweetened condensed milk

a pinch of habonero powder if you like

Scoop out the insides of your avocado and drop it into a blender with the ice cream.  Pour in some sweetened condensed milk to your liking. If you’re really into exact measurements (you’re a baker!) I’d say about 3 tablespoons.  Okay, 4. Blend it until your concoction is a lovely light green.  Pour it into precious little bowls to match how adorable it looks.  It can serve 2-4 depending on how nuevo cuisine you make the portions.  I added a tiny pinch of habonero powder to each dish to add a little green spice to punch up that delicious avocado ice cream.

Use vanilla ice cream if you prefer, but that coconut adds another level of yum. All I can say is OMG OMG OMG please can I have more? I’d like to plant an avocado tree after eating these dishes.

In the New Year, I’ve committed to bringing lovely green dishes to the table every evening.  The night before I made brussel sprouts with balsamic reduction.  Holywow.

How Green is your New Year?

It’s Tuesday!  Amazing how fast the weeks fly by, isn’t it?  Welcome to 2012!  I answer your questions, share your comments and take your requests on Tuesdays as you know if you already read my blog.

This week I had a lot of lovely comments about enjoying my site and “liking” my page, which I really appreciate. I enjoy hearing that what I’m doing in the world is helping you somehow, even if it’s to provide a laugh just when you needed it.  Thank you so much for letting me know!  I heart you too!  (Also, thanks for letting me know the YouTube link was broken!)

I got your questions about publishing your books, making money on your own and your requests for more puppet videos!  I’m on it!  I also received a short list of trauma related questions that were sad, but worthy of a mention.  They were sad because the people asking referred to themselves as damaged goods, losers, never going to amount to anything etc.   That kind of language is not allowed in my camp. So much so, that I’m not even going to repost the questions so you don’t read it and put that idea into your brain either.

But I will use this opportunity to talk about the Misery Back Guarantee. 

Yes, no matter how much you move forward in your life, live joyfully no matter what you’ve been through, rid yourself of toxic people and habits, and start living a life you love – there is always a Misery Back Guarantee!

You can have it back, at anytime.  It’s your choice.

Why would you want a Misery Back Guarantee?

Because Misery can be a hard habit to break.  If you don’t know any better life than one filled with trauma, if you were raised by wolves (and some people really were) and did not have good examples to follow, if all you know is misery – you may just want it back!

Ever met folks who will fight you if you tell them about prosperity, abundance and joy?  They give you that glare, maybe even with a snarl.  If you hand them a happy life on a platter they may just shoot you instead of taking it.  They will protect their unhappiness, fears, doubts and worries with their life!

How do you let go of Misery?

You simply let go.

I had the pleasure of spending some time with a very cool pastor in the Air Force when I went down to the retirement ceremony at Quantico.  He told me an excellent story about this very thing that he shares with his congregation.  It goes like this:

There was a shaman walking through the desert.  He came upon a man curled up on the ground with his arms around a thorn bush. The man was bloody and bruised as he held onto the thorns that dug into his skin.  The shaman asked him if he was comfortable.  The man said that he was in great pain because of this bush.  The shaman asked him why he held on and told him he could just let go.  The man said he would never let go.  The shaman asked him why.  The man said, “Because this is my thorn bush.”

So I ask those of you who still talk poorly of yourselves (and a reminder to those who have stopped that awful habit) – What is that thorn bush worth to you? What are you getting in return for holding onto it?  You can let go and still have your misery back at any time.

Today’s Special: Let go of your misery FOR FREE.  If you are not satisfied with the weight lifted, feel free to return it FOR FREE and you can have your misery back exactly like you had it – FOR FREE.

Next week – let’s talk about how to write your books and get them out there, shall we?

Keep sending in your questions and I’ll keep answering (even if you get an answer you were not expecting!)

It’s 2012 People – Let go of the thorn bush.  Cut the negative speak about yourself and others, that’s too miserable a feeling and there is way too much fun to be had!

I will email you my blog posts (with special private messages) when you sign up below in that blue and red box.  The updates are not automated, I send them out by hand so I can add notes.

Welcome to 2012!  When is the world feared to end?  The beginning of 2012 or the end?  Either way, I say forget all fears and don’t take a time share with other people’s fears either.  I have a feeling 2012 will be amazing!

First of all, how was 2011 for you?  I hope you learned some things and have loads to be grateful for.  Here’s my list –>

10 Things I Learned in 2011

1. DO NOT Jump off a Chair Lift

You’ll break your leg. Duh.

2. Don’t Knock Self-Publishing!

I self-published my mom’s book and it has sold more than my books with publishers.

3. Because Someone Says They’ll Do Something – Doesn’t Mean It’s Done

If you for sure want something done – do it yourself – or be sure you are working or playing with someone who keeps their word.

4.  You MUST Schedule Alone Time

Even living out in the country, your calendar can fill up with all sorts of events, social outings, visitors and activities.  Whether you’re in the city or the country, alone time is key.

5. Sending My Blog to Your Email is Fun

I learned how to make a new list in my newsletter program and send my blog posts to your emails.  Although, I don’t automate them so I can add private messages.  It’s my favorite and most interactive list – thanks for being on it!

6. Answering Questions on Tues Causes More Interaction

I started answering your questions on Tuesdays and it sparked a lot more interaction with my readers.

7.  I Make Abuse Funny

I knew this one already, but it was confirmed after I learned how to read the analytics of my websites.  I have been watching where you click and completely 50/50 the clicks go to “abuse” and “comedy.”  That tells me that I should probably do a stand-up act.

Oh wait, my speaking gigs are a stand-up act!  The beauty of making abuse funny – not making fun of it – is that it makes it easier for people to listen to harder subjects.

8. Keeping My Personal Site and My Kids Site Separate Works

After sharing bits of my new book series about Tilda Pinkerton, I learned that having a separate site focused solely on Tilda Pinkerton and writing the series of books is far better for you and for me.  And plus, it’s totally G rated, whereas on this site I can easily slip up and say a few F bombs about people who abuse kids.

9. Google Alerts on your Google Calendar Makes Life Easier

It seems like something so simple but it is something I learned well this year – adding alerts on my Google Calendar.  That way I am reminded of everything from when that meeting is to when Norma needs her monthly heart worm pill.  I’m not utilizing Google Plus as much as I thought I would, but my Google Calendar is all filled in!

 10.  An Editor is Worth Their Weight (and fee)

Editors are a valuable asset to writers, especially authors of books.  In the world of screenplays, the editor or note giver is usually the producer closest to the project who champions the script.  We love them too.  But this is about the book editor – love them and pay them. (For those who are writing, be sure to find an editor!)

My editor on the Tilda Pinkerton series did not change the story at all, he added tweaks and made cuts here and there to gently make the adorable story I had written (yes, I love it) into a beautiful little song.  (He also worked on some of the Lemony Snicket books and I’m very excited for Tilda to appear next year!)

I could make an entirely different list of all the things I’m excited about for 2012, but perhaps I’ll wait until tomorrow.

Happy New Year!

What did you learn in 2011?  Please share in the comments.

It’s Tuesday! I have a long list of questions, comments and requests from you but this one did not fit with others to make a list – It stands all on its own so I’m using it for this week’s request.

Question:

Can you share tips for having fun. I know I’m supposed to have fun, but I’m not exactly sure how.

Answer:

Not sure how to have fun?  That sounds like you need to recreate a childhood to me!  Here’s a list that can help you get started.

1. Be Able to Have Fun Alone 

If you can’t have fun alone, well…  just like you need to put on your oxygen mask before assisting anyone else – you need to be able to have fun alone!

Filmmaker Andrea Dorfman has a beautiful video about this very thing.  Watch it.

2. Watch the movie Hot Rod

If you haven’t seen it, you will laugh. If you’ve seen it 30 times, you will still laugh.  Laughter leads to fun.

3. Skip

It is nearly impossible to skip with a frown on your face.  Try it.  Skip to your car.  Skip around your house.  Skip inside your head.  Skipping makes you smile and smiling is fun.

4. Start a Dance Floor

This is my personal favorite.  Wherever there are people gathered around music, usually sitting, go start the dance floor.  It will take 3-4 songs and you will think you look like a fool but after that third of forth song, everyone will be up dancing. Works every time.  And it is supremely fun!  If you’re afraid of crowds, start a dance floor in your living room.  Your pets will start dancing.  Watch.

5.  Make Up a Song in a Made-up Language

I did this all the time and it’s fun.  Koo boo koo boo, wooo wooo wooo.  Tra teeky teeky la tra la la la.  Now you do one.  It’s fun.

6. Get Birdseed and/or Bread and go Feed the Birds (and squirrels)

Take your seed and bread to the park and feed those little critters. Watch all their silly little mannerisms.  It’s fun.  Plus, you will probably meets some very interesting old people and that’s fun.

7. Play Dress Up

It’s fun.  If you never did it as a kid and don’t have a mother who collects antique clothes and hats, go to a thrift store with a buddy and try on things.  It’s fun.  Who knows, you may even find a treasure for two bucks!

8.  Get a Harmonica

Harmonicas are really cheap and they are fun.  If you play it for your pets, they look at you like you’re crazy and sometimes howl and meow and that’s funny.

9. Get a Hula-Hoop

I got mine from Hoopnotica and it is perfection. There’s an ad over to the right (it says “find yourself in the hoop”).  If you get one from there I get a teeny piece of the purchase – that’s fun!  We can hula-hoop together!

10. Watch a Kung-Fu movie without subtitles

Translate what they are saying while mimicking the fight movies.  Fun!

11. Use Your Opposite Hands All Day

For everything you use your right hand for, use your left and vice versa.  It’s awkward and fun.

12. Make the Choice to Have Fun at Everything

Ah – here’s the catch.  Everything can be fun (within reason), even taking out the trash can be a hoot when you get into the rhythm of having fun.  Daily activities like cooking, cleaning, driving, paying bills (blech), can be fun!  Even the bills – add a smilie face to the one going to the IRS.  It’s fun.