You ask and I answer. There were questions that had a similar theme so I merged them today!.
Question
If you’ve moved on and are in a balanced place, how do you deal with family members, friends, co-workers and loved ones who haven’t healed and hate you for it?
Answer
That’s a big question and a big issue too! This week, I saw quite a few questions like this about your loved ones, lovers, family members and friends but the questions were all the same. You’ve moved on, or are really working at have a balanced life, and you’re around someone who isn’t. I get that and that can be difficult.
(that’s a picture from a walk I took with sweet Norma dog)
Here’s the deal – Happily Ever After can exist. You can live a joyful life, no matter what you’ve been through. You can. I watch you doing it. I know many of you personally and am so proud of how far you’ve come. I too have come a long way, baby! Some of the things we’ve been through in our lives could have stumped us for good, but they didn’t. We’re still out there singing and dancing to the beat of our hearts.
Yes, there are times when you trip and fall flat on your face. There are sudden deaths that can send you reeling. There are certain stories that still make you cry. And some triggers, though they don’t send you to the floor anymore, still sting. I know.
And there you are singing in the rain and some schmo comes along, kicking up mud puddles and throwing tomatoes at you on your lovely stage of life. Yes, it’s sometimes your closest friend (get a new one) and sometimes it’s your distant relatives at the family reunion who are astounded to see you grinning. (Forget them and get some friends, you only see those jerks once a year anyway!)
Want the cold hard facts about these jerks? Sure you do! Here they are:
- There will always be schmos in the world. Feel free to call them a schmo. Say it out loud with me now. Schmo.
- But don’t call them schmos. They will deny everything.
- In fact don’t call them at all.
- They are also called joy killers and trolls. They do the same thing – rain on your joy parades.
- What schmos, joy killers and trolls choose to do with their lives is not what you have to choose. And that’s a good thing.
- The best way to kill a troll is to not feed it.
- Don’t share your life with a joy killer, it only gives them more joy to kill.
It can be really really tempting to try to talk sense into your troll relatives and friends. But it’s pointless. It can be tempting to It can be really tempting to show the light to the joy killer and if you only spend some time with them, they will see. Nope. It will only drain your energy like a leech will drain your blood. Harsh, I know, but joy killers are harsh!
The best thing you can do is live your life even more joyfully than you are. If you’re one of those do-gooders (like me, I know the disease well), and you really want to help them even though they are such jerks – that’s even more reason to just live your life. You living your life and moving on from all that pain, suffering, anxieties and heartache is your teaching. You will show them by example and that’s the best thing you can do.
Here are some actual things to do about those trolls and joy killers in your life:
- Slowly weed them out of your life if you can.
- See less of them if you can’t weed them out completely.
- Bring the conversation back to them, instead of you.
- Ask them questions about their life instead of sharing yours.
- Answer them with sweetness.
- Wish them well, but cut conversations short.
- Hide them on Facebook.
- Don’t share your joys with them. Share them with others who are joyful.
- Don’t dim your light just to make them feel better! That’s a must.
If you bend down into the well of their little dark dramas to help pull them out, they may very well pull you right back in! It’s best to just keep shining your light, make a great sauce out of the tomatoes they throw, use the mud they kick at you as a great mud mask and keep singing as they squawk.
Speaking of singing, if you want shows like The Voice and American Idol, imagine how many people try to pull those contestants off their ladders every day in real life and on Twitter! And the singers are up there and the trolls are not! And yeah, we all lose or get voted off or don’t make the cut for many things in life, but those of us who keep going – keep on keeping on. It’s way more fun than being a joy killer!
Here's Some More You May Like:
