Living in a Fantasy World

Blow in her face and she’ll follow you anywhere. Or be a total ass and she’ll marry you!  Sound familiar? That’s an old cigarette ad (thank you @iamkhayyam) but it could be an ad for wedding dresses, diamond rings, clothing lines or diet pills too.  Is it society that fill our brains with these strange realities and fantasies or do they show up on TV, commercials and ads because art and ads are imitating life? Chicken, egg, egg, chicken.  Even when you listen to the most popular songs out there, the lyrics focus mainly on being lost without that man, needing him to love you or needing to get over him.  I write about that in my Women Going Gaga article. Every song that won at the VMAs with the exception of Beyonce’s was in some way wanting, needing or pleading for a man. Even Beyonce’s song was shaped around needing the patriarch. Single Ladies is strong and powerful but instead of singing about cleaning up the mess that men made in war and destruction, it demands that single ladies stand up and get that ring on their finger. Are you telling me that we should plead for the man who doesn’t see us and then demand we get a ring on our finger so we can be tied to him for a lifetime and have him own our land. Really?

I have been hearing women of all ages lately constantly bringing up the need for the guy’s love and attention. He would like this. If here was here he’d want to hear this.  He’d go on that trip with me.  He’s not thinking of me.  Is he thinking of me?  He’d want to watch this etc etc. It is like watching them live in a total fantasy world where that guy is the lead of the play and they are watching his movie to see what their next move is. What if you put yourself as the lead in the play of your life and not the guy who doesn’t want you?  If you step back and really look at the men you’re attracted to, do they look awfully similar to daddy?  What if daddy is dead, killed himself, bailed or disappeared? Are the guys you like unavailable or unattainable?  What if daddy was abusive and an angry jerk?  I know I kept going after angry men like they were delicate morsels to be found, protected, looked after and ultimately fought with. Why was I protecting angry men?  Ah ha, because I was angry!  By taking care of the angry man, I was ultimately trying to fix, yet avoiding my own anger. How do you break that pattern?  What do you want? Getting past that obsession with men is a total catch 22.  You end up meeting amazing men on whole new levels of thinking and doing once you raise your own vibration to that level (and not that kind of vibration, put that thing down, it will only make you insensitive later). But you can’t trick the universe by pretending you’re focusing on yourself just to snag that guy.  It’s got to be the real thing for you in order to attract the real thing.  And the catch 22 is that you don’t really care at that point about meeting a guy, you’re working toward some kind of higher goal.  I know a lot of fantastic men, thank God, and I’m telling you they find powerful independent smart women sexy, not co-dependent obsessed women.  So where does this obsession come from?

Charlotte Kasl writes in Women, Sex, and Addiction: A Search for Love and Power that there is an exquisite interconnection between culture, family, and inborn individual traits that relate to sex addiction, sexual co-dependency and recovery.   She goes on to write that culture provides the setting for the family, and the family provides the setting for the individual. But ah ha – these issues don’t just pop up out of nowhere!

Sex addiction and codependency in women may be the most painful addiction to confront because it makes women conscious of the neglect, sexual abuse, and childhood injuries they have sustained in a patriarchal system in which they are viewed as the “second sex.”  It is important to understand that I am referring to patriarchy as a system, and not pointing a finger at individual men.  In fact, the patriarchal system is extremely damaging to men, too, as confining to their souls and sexuality as it is to women’s.

This goes for men too by the way, the men who spend all of their time trying to fix that wounded girl – mommy?  I’m just saying.  The questions on my Live UStream.TV and Facebook LIVE Sunday show last were all about relationships too.  Maybe the holidays triggers the need for the fantasy life.  I had three generations of women around me on Sunday and all of us had issues with this subject.  It’s not like you reach a certain age and it’s all fixed.  It’s more like if you don’t deal with the core issues and really find your own place within your life – with you as the lead – then the obsessions will continue all the way to the walker.  And for those of you who are very religious and/or spiritual you can put the Goddess, Jesus, Buddha, the Great Spirit or whatever works for you as the lead too.  I’d much rather be in the fantasy of wondering if I cleaned the house well for Jesus than some jerk who stole my credit card and my car and blew smoke in my face. I’m just saying. It’s all a story you’re telling yourself in your head. What’s your story and who’s the lead?

Thanks for reading! Please comment on my blog and let me know how I can help you, inspire you or just make you laugh. I'm listening. Feel free to email me at angela@angelashelton.com and let me know what you like (or don't like). To keep in touch, connect with me @ Facebook | Twitter

Tagged as: cigarette ad, fantasy, gaga, Women, world