Well, you just never know what’s going to happen or what kind of story will show up to amuse or haunt you. I came to Asheville NC to check on bringing three movies here. My first night here my mom picks me up with an acquaintance of hers, a man who wanted me to make his life story into a movie. It’s funny being a writer – everyone wants you to write about them. I can see how doctor’s feel with being asked about a cough or a strange lump. That’s why I love the article – I Will Not Read Your F-ing Script.
I still find people highly entertaining though and tonight was one of the most entertaining ones of my life. So much so in fact, that I just had to write about it.
Mom and the guy took me to a Shag Dancing place. I walked in and sat down next to mom, the life-story guy got us a drink and then went off dancing. As we watched him move around the group of elders on the dance floor, a string of men on a lean (leaning to one side of Wild Turkey) started making a beeline for me.
Oh my God mom, I feel like I’ve been caught in the sites of a gun and I’m a dear. They’ve spotted me.
Hey, you wanna drink? Lemme getcha a drink.
Thank you, I have one. I lifted it up to prove it.
You wanna dance with me? You wanna dance?
I just arrived from California to see my mother and just sat down. I love watching this though. It’s great to see a full dance floor.
He walked away, leaning to one side. We watched the dance floor full of elder couples shagging their hearts out. I’d never seen that before. Some of them had “Shag Society” stitched on their shirts. One woman came over and asked me and mom if we were “swingers.” We both looked at her in shock until she explained that she meant Swing Dancing.
Then here comes another guy. Hey, I’m drinking Wild Turkey for the first time ever. I never had Wild Turkey. I just lost my dad. He was a little person. He was the littlest person you ever saw. But the hurt is still real big.
I started to ask about his dad but he leaned away talked about Wild Turkey.
You wanna drink?
I have one, thanks. Maybe in a minute. I laughed. He grinned.
I got all the money in the world. Money ain’t an object. He pulls out a stack of hundred dollar bills. Lemme buy you a drink. Whatchoo want?
I have a drink already. I held it up to prove it again. But I’ll take a hundred.
You want one of these? I got so many of em.
Well, sure.
Here you go. You take that. It don’t mean nothing to me. Hey, I’ve been looking for my soul mate. I have. And you’re so nice. You’re so pretty and nice. Here, I got this for you.
And he, no joke, pulls a black box out of his pocket, opens it and presents me with a wedding ring.
I’ve been keeping this for the right woman and here she is. We could have a nice life.
Me and mom were shocked and laughed. What’s your name? I asked.
Lee. What’s yours?
Angela. I think I love you just a little bit, Lee. I’ve never seen anything like this. I’ve been married and never been presented with a ring like this. This might be the most entertaining night of my life.
I spent thirty-eight hundred dollars on that. There’s fifty diamonds and gold in there.
You just went ahead and picked that for your soul mate? You know what she wants, huh?
She wants this. She wants this ring right here. I spent thirty-eight hundred dollars on this ring. Money is no object for me. You want a drink?
No, I have one. Thank you.
Life-story guy didn’t like the way my future ex-husband was dolling out hundreds and passing out wedding rings and apparently, on the sly, had him escorted out. Damn, I coulda had a ring.
I find it amusing that I’m here in Asheville researching about filming a comedy about Dating for Food and I get a proposal the first night here.
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